UNDER MY UMBRELLA...

English - revamp!

2010-01-14T00:40:00.000-08:00

VOCABULARY - as according to Eugene Wok and Rachel Morais (ding!)

These are some words that kept me laughing when I first read and heared them

Secular music - Circular music
Talking - Toking
Your - Yur
Photogenic - Photographical
Changing - Changement
Ballistic - Balastik
Hypocrite - Hippokrit
Morais - More Rice
Whether - Weather
Borrow - Bolo
Destined - Destiny-ed (des-te-nid)
Venison - Vatican

Looks like Mr. Brown has to squeeze in two more people for his language class ;-)

A Brand New Day

2010-01-11T19:05:00.000-08:00

Four things you can do today:

Thank God for the day and rejoice in the gift of today. Jump up and down, twist and shout! :-)

Hug 3 people and tell them how much you love and appreciate them. Most importantly, keep on smiling! :-)

Enjoy a triple scoop ice-cream sundae. YYYUUUUMMMYYYYY!!!!

"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature..." - Anne Frank

The Last Death, a new hope begins

2010-01-11T05:57:00.000-08:00

Whats the point of being a hopeless romantic?
That whole lot is just rubbish!
I was a hopeless romantic and see what it has lead me to.

So-called dreams. My desire for something is in conflict with what the Lord wants from me.
My so-called "love poems" are just there to potray my utter selfishness. Listening to Taylor Swift also distorted my image of love. I'm not saying that she's bad. Just that I have allowed myself to believe this lie about being a "hopeless romantic".

I was selfish, conceited and I believed the wrong idea about this four-letter word called "LOVE". I believed in what the world said it was, what Hollywood said and sadly, Jane Austen potrayed it as. I did not believe in what God said it was.

Sigh...

Some of you might be thinking, "WHAT HAPPEN TO CARISSA MORAIS???"
Why is she being so fanatical? Why is she getting so hard-up about everything?

You know why?
IT AFFECTS ME, THATS WHY!

I did not put my faith in the Truth. I believed all these lies that the world threw on me. I let my heart be attacked by these fiery darts. I wasn't building my foundation in Christ.

The only good part about all this is that despite everything, the Lord has forgiven me. I have now chosen to follow Christ and Him alone. This morning, there was a complete commital to Him. I will do whatever it takes to be a better person, to see myself as how God sees me. To hate all sorts of evil and love and pursue the things of God.

To quote James Lim (a.k.a Pink Panther) : Now is the time!

Yes! Thats it. I have given my heart to the Lord.

I have surrendered my low self-esteem, my affections and deep liking towards this young man, my career worries, how I perceive myself, MY FEELINGS, my number one heart's desire to the Lord.

God, please take it. My life is not my own anymore.
Its in Your hands.

'And He said to them all, "If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me," - Luke 9:23

Yes, Lord. I choose to follow You.

The Window

2010-01-10T19:44:00.000-08:00

And though I cherish you, I must now offer you...

*a piece of my heart cracks, breaks slowly and then falls to the ground, leaving drops of blood on my purple shirt*

A man, dressed in white, walks over and bends down to pick up the piece of my heart on the ground and looks at me. I look back at him, my face full of tears.
"I can't do this anymore," I whisper.
The man, moved with compassion, walks towards me and places the fallen piece back into my heart. I could see tears in his eyes too. Sighing, he looks back at me.
"There," he smiles.
"I don't want this heart anymore. I can't take the pain...I just want to die," I cry harder and then fall into his embrace. He hugs me tight and cries along with me. I can feel his tears rolling down my neck.
"Then give your heart to me. I'll safeguard it for you, I'll cherish and protect it. You will no longer be down in pain," we then break apart and he looks at me, his eyes so assuring and his voice tender.
Give my heart to him? What about my desires? What I want? If I give it to him, my life won't be my own anymore.
I look away because I knew that he knew what I was thinking. He could see through my thoughts and my feelings.
Reaching into my chest, I tear my whole heart out, hands full of blood. I looked at it for one last time.
"Here's my heart. Have it," I place the red organ into his hands gently.
The man takes my heart into his hands, looks at me and then hugs me tight.
"I love you, Carissa," he whispers into my ear as we both cry.
I cried harder and harder, almost wailing. I could feel him crying too.
"I love you too," I said,through my tears.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mind Your Language

2010-01-10T02:41:00.000-08:00

"Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be" - James 3:10 (KJV)

One question I countlessly ask myself: Why do people, especially Christians, love using foul language? How does that benefit them?

I was having lunch with a group of people one day (and mind you, these people claim to be CC's) and I was well, not exactly shocked but in fact, astounded by the words spoken. Okay, they weren't really vulgar and gross, but it was still curse words. Words like crap, pissed off, sweet arse, damn, and even the milder versions like dang, shoot,etc. Whats the point of using a "milder version" when it means the same??

Firstly, I do recognize that we are sinful beings and that only the Lord can change us. But if you're a new person, why stick to your old ways of speaking? you are a NEW PERSON.
I'm not trying to hit on anybody, I just want people (especially who say that they're CC's) to just watch what we say. If we say we honour God, why are bad words proceeding out of our mouth?

I'm guilty of this. In fact when I was a preteen, I knew all the bad words left, right and centre and spoke them as though they were daily words. Only in school la, but I was caught once at home and I learnt my lesson. Believe me, I did. *phew!*

I'm not trying to be preach-y also. I just want people to realise this and not put our foot in our mouths and be hypocrites.

"Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers" - Ephesians 4:29 (KJV)

Excerpts from my quiet time

2010-01-06T22:43:00.000-08:00

Areas in my life that I need a breakthrough in:

1. Fear.
What am I afraid of?

Approaching people
Success
Failure
Lizards
Hardwork
Not being in control
Gaining weight

2. Lazy-ness

I don't want to work hard
I want things to come easy
Fear of hardwork

The root cause of the problem: FEAR.

I used to think that being independent was easy. Now that I have reached the stage of independence being granted, I don't know if I'm ready to handle it yet. Independence comes with maturity and responsibility. Am I showing that amount of maturity and responsibility? Do I deserve independence?

What does God require of me? ( Deuteronomy 10:12 )

Fear the Lord
Walk in all His ways
Love Him
Serve Him with my heart and soul

"The LORD, who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine." - 1 Samuel 17:37

Who is the Goliath (Philistine) in my life?

My low self esteem

Behold, the Lord will deliver me from it. I just have to trust Him completely. My strength comes from the Lord, "for the battle is the Lord's".

"My body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in me, whom is from God. I am not my own" - 1 Corinthians 6:19 - personalized.

Of new stories and "yes, sir!"

2010-01-05T21:00:00.001-08:00

Submission is hard, thats what I've been learning about this whole week.
I tried my very best to just die to my own desires and fulfill my duties and responsibilities at home.
Sigh...easier said than done,huh?

Anyway, I've finally got inspiration to write a story in which is not Peter Pan or any other fantasy creature that I've been bragging about. Its more a story of hope, friendship and well, grief in the process also...

So this time, I'm going all out. Now that I have the lappie in my room, I can write early hours in the morning. I'm so tempted to post a short excerpt but well, it wouldn't be a surprise then!

Gotta go before my inspiration dies.

Once a spark of idea is lost, it is lost forever...

:'(

2010-01-04T06:19:00.000-08:00

Carissa Morais is sad.
I'm a jobless woman at home.
Vacancies are FULL.

Carissa Morais is sad

Lazy Garfield

2010-01-03T01:42:00.000-08:00

Let's see, SPM over.

I'm procrastinating my driving lessons cause I'm not up for driving yet. Truthfully, I'm just too lazy to fork up the money and GO!
Job vacancies are FULL everywhere! My last try will be on Tuesday. If I don't get a job, I don't mind starting my diploma in Domestic Engineering, (lecturer -my mother). Oh well, I will be a mother one day so I might as well learn how to run a household.
The curve behind his broad shoulders inspired me for a paragraph. Thank God, I didn't lose my writing juices.
I feel so aimless right now. Without a vision, I perish.
I MUST GET A PART-TIME JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Resolutions...

2010-01-02T04:20:00.000-08:00

Carissa Morais – Goals for 2010

Purpose Statement: My purpose is to share the beauty of life in my stories by touching souls through the works of my pen and paper.

GOALS:
1. Lose 4 kgs by the end of June to achieve a Body Mass Index of 20.0

2. Lead a group of youths for a stage presentation in church. (in the process)

3. By June 2010, I would have joined two clubs in college and be actively involved.

4. Publish my written works in magazines or newspapers.

5. I would have gone for two camps (outside church) this year – Writer's camp and Leadership camp.

6. Grow in my spiritual walk with God and have a heart to serve Him by first, serving my family and putting the needs of others above mine.

7. Complete Grade 7 of my music studies by the end of 2010.

8. I will discover my true self-image in Christ, as the way God sees me and not how I see myself.

9. Go all out to share my written works with others. (e.g. - Grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary poetry recital as part of my contribution )

10. Practice and perfect my baking and cooking - at least 10 items this year.

11. Change the way I talk to myself. Whenever I'm about to say a negative word to myself, I will immediately replace it with an encouraging word. (This is gonna be really hard but I'm up for it!).

"Dear Lord, please give me the grace and strength to achieve all my goals. I need Your wisdom and Your boldness in me to push harder and think smarter for the rest of the year as I embark on a whole new chapter of life. Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth so that I will speak words of encouragement to myself as well as to others. Help me be a blessing in every area You have placed me in..."

The meow from the exit

2009-12-29T01:47:00.000-08:00

"Sigh...lots of dishes to wash! Thank God many people are out on holiday, if not I don't know if I can finish this pile!"
Meow.
Meow.
Did I just hear that? Nah, I'm probably dreaming.
Meow.
Meow.
OK, I better check it out that noise since I'm such a cat-lover. Who knows maybe it isn't Shammah going wild??
Walk two steps. Out of the kitchen and reach back exit staircase.
GASP!!!!
OMG, what a cute little cat! *smile* held by another cute person *ahem*
SO CUTE!!!!!
"See who I found", you smile at me, holding him.
So I walk towards you and go on to touch the little fella while you sit down at the steps.
In silence, we stroke its fur and found out it was a male cat.
Behind me, I hear a camera snap.
Oh...Shammah at it again. Probably will appear on facebook then the whole world will start teasing again. *rolls eyes*
Silence, I don't know what to say.
Been dreaming about this moment for quite some time.
Just enjoy it.
3...
2...
1...

:-)

2010 - yoohooo!!!

2009-12-25T02:00:00.000-08:00

It feels great to be back on my feet! Thank God that I decided to let Him take the wheel of my life. Since I'm not living my life as how it should be, I might as well give God a chance, right?

I'm all excited for 2010. Although I'm still looking and enquiring for part-time jobs, I will not let that rob me of a good 3 months of learning, growing and maturing before I head off to HELP for my foundation course (I think its confirmed already though I'm still praying about it) probably in April/May. According to my dad, college life is really going to question my beliefs and my principles, if I'm not careful, I might fall into the "mold" and be highly influenced by the "party-like-a-rockstar" lifestyle and the "if-you've-got-it-flaunt-it" lifestyle.

Although I'm a girl, I still might accidently place my eyes on something too revealing since I heard that girls in HELP have not enough fabric on their body (if you get what I mean). Gosh, I don't know how some girls have the guts to dress up so trashy and skimpy. Its seriously dispicable (no offense!)

Anyway, back to my point. I'm really excited to go for more Scripture Union camps, leadership camps, youth conferences and writer's camps. Its gonna be awesome! Plus, to really get involve in church activities and other projects. Like the upcoming plans of the Lifehouse skit for Easter.

Wow, and more baking! Yay! Finally I can go back to perfecting my cookies and pies that I haven't touched the whole year because of the dreaded exam. And of course, DRIVING LESSONS!! Though I'm not so hot for it yet. That can wait :-)

RANDOM: Gosh, I need some watermelons.

I've got so many books to read and lots of stories to write. I've been writing my Peter Pan fan-fics and hoping for more inspiration for short stories. I can finally go back to being "Miss Austen".

But most of all, I want my spiritual life to build up. The Lord has been doing great things in my life and I've learnt so many lessons throughout this whole year. I yearn to see more of His glory and experience His everlasting love because that's the only love that can satisfy the longing on my heart. I will make the most of my single life serving the Lord and others, hopefully without entanglements.

Blessed New Year, everyone!

2009-12-24T06:38:00.000-08:00

"Watching the snow falling to the ground, the little girl beams excitedly while watching the ice rink on full swing with skaters and children making snow angels. Downstairs, the scrumptious aroma of chocolate chip cookies greet her pink little nose. Inhaling the wonderful scent, she looks up into the baby blue sky...
Thank you Lord, for this awesome day.
I LOVE YOU..."

Blessed Christmas, everyone!
Enjoy all the blessings the Lord has blessed you with and have a great 2010 ahead!!

:-)

smile bright!

Just for Kicks

2009-12-22T00:20:00.000-08:00

A few pictures that brought smiles on my face:

The multi-racial, happy and jolly family I once had :-)

Two and a half men?

L-R: Shammah, Samuel ( poking in between), Josiah

Three pretty people and the nerd in green. Always the odd one out!

L-R: PING, Joanna, me, Alie

Franklin Morais's two pretty ladies and his nerdy disciple ;-)

L-R: me, Mom, Rachel

RANDOM: I'm not in the mood for pan mee.

Pillows, anyone??

2009-12-21T23:01:00.000-08:00

I've lost inspiration to write.

I've lost interest in reading.

I've lost the mood to talk to cheery-cheery people cause right now I'm very emo-emo.

All I do is just house work so my thoughts will be far away.

All I do is stare at the cold morning and wait for the sun to rise.

All I do is hear no sound. Just the stillness of the moment.

All I do is just rely and wait on God.

My heart has frozen up, leaving me without emotion.

When I look at pictures of apple pies, tears fill up my eyes.

When I browse through old photos, my heart cracks.

When I hear songs from the 60s, my mind dies.

Yet in quietness, I seek the Lord because I know He will give me rest.

Yet in obedience, I will still surrender my heart to God because He is greater than my heart.

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light"
Matthew 11:28-30

I miss You.

The Oozing Ache

2009-12-20T02:45:00.000-08:00

Two individuals, very much in love with each other but because now isn't the right time for a union, they have decided to wait. Which means;

Less contact with one another
Treating each other as brothers and sisters in Christ
Waiting on the Lord
Persistent prayer
Dying to self

Number 1 is the hardest, Number 2 is somewhat OK, Number 5 is the killer.

Questions like these run in my head: What if we're destined for one another? What if God has someone else for us? What if God is calling us to live a single life? What if others are not open to a mixed-race union? What if this union isn't the Lord's will?

Again and again, Galatians 2:20 strikes me hard on the head with a thwonk!

GOD IS IN CONTROL. That's where number 3 and 4 and 5, come into the picture. On the other hand, there are these bunch of feelings that want to take control and somehow tries to persuade you to "follow your heart" and dive into a relationship when your brain is clearly screaming at you to wait and to do the right thing.

"The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing" - Joshua Harris

Still, its HARD! Sometimes I just want to get on my knees and cry out loud to the Lord, "God, WHY??????????" and then rip up all my poems that I have delicately written about this young man and throw them away from my sight. For the life of me, I can't seem to figure out my affections toward this young man, for I can't comprehend the thought of a life without him. Oh how my tears flow in the melancholy idea!!

Yet, the Lord, in His grace, will continue to comfort us as we ponder on this issue because we know we're not alone. I'm sure he's feeling the same way about it too and is probably more worried about how the future will turn out, he being a thinker and me having all kinds of emotions since I'm such a feeler. Sighhhh...

Okay then. Looks like theres no conclusion in this matter for now, so I'll just leave this matter hanging and continue to wait on the Lord.

Love is patient. So wait, cessa!! :-)

A Message To A Lady

2009-12-19T06:41:00.000-08:00

The LORD speaks in a quiet and gentle manner,
"Draw close to me,
Let Me strengthen you with My right hand,
Though you walk in a world of iniquity,
you shall not fall,
For I will take your hand and walk with you,
And whisper words of truth and love into your ear

For I have created you a woman,
Fearfully and wondefully made,
For I carved your curves, your hair, your breasts,
Skillfully in secret because I saw you first,
Be in a quiet and gentle spirit,
That is precious in My sight,,
And serve me as how I have shaped you

My beloved woman,
You can never comprehend,
How wide, how deep and how great
My love is for you
Love Me, Serve Me, Follow Me."

taken from my quiet time, 17th Dec 2009, 11.25 pm.

Sneak Peek

2009-12-19T06:32:00.000-08:00

Backstage photos from the Christmas event.
"Joy to the world!!!"

L-R: Eugene, Jason, Josiah, me, PING, Rachel, Joshua, Shawn

L-R: Eugene, Jason, Joanna, me, Shawn, Joshua, Rach, PING, Alie

More to come!

Stepping on sand

2009-12-19T05:52:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, you've got to keep reminding where you stand on certain issues because they affect your life. Its rather difficult to repress your feelings especially if it concerns the matters of the heart. So, I seem to have strong feelings for this young man. What do I do?
One question I have to keep answering time and time again.

I've tried to keep this question out of the blog because I was afraid people would talk. Well, since its out in the open, I guess it defeats the purpose to hide it anymore, right? Well, I won't be very open yet I'll still be a little open. *confused smile*

I have trouble repressing my feelings. There are days I wish I could confront it straight in the face and say, "Look here, missy. I'm in control, not you!". Because I control my feelings, not the other way round.
Then it hit me.
God is in control. Not me.
"...it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me..." - Gal 2:20

Well, I know there will be days when the feelings will grab a hold on me, but I know God will come through for me. Well, my dad said that God is way higher than my feelings. I'm guilty of placing such high importance on my moods and feelings, probably because I'm a feeler but I the world doesn't revolve around my feelings, so I'm just being so self-absorbed.
And that's not good.

Love is not a feeling, rather a sacrifice and a commitment. I know that God will one day give me a godly affection for this young man and that's when I'll know that I'm ready for a relationship because I finally understand. So, I'll continue to wait on the Lord and continue praying persistently, plus enjoy my single life cause its a gift from the Lord and grow in my relationship with my family and friends.

God will give me the strength to overcome my feelings because I know He'll be there beside me.
I just have to trust in Him.
-True love WAITS! - <3

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres..."
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 -

2009-12-13T03:23:00.000-08:00

To that person who loves using profanities on MY SISTER and dedicates her blog in commenting about MY SISTER, firstly, I want to tell you to move on and get a life!

What's done has been done and stop moping about how fabulous you are compared to MY SISTER because you are just insecure.

Nobody messes with MY SISTER.
You want to mess with her, then MESS with me.

I'm getting sick and tired of hearing MY SISTER being bad mouth-ed online and to the whole world. So what if she's pretty and confident???

Do me a favour??
FORGET THE PAST AND MOVE ON!

Thanks.

:-)

His name is Peter

2009-12-08T20:20:00.000-08:00

I'm now reading "Prince Caspian", the fourth book from 'The Chronicles of Narnia'. Just started it last night when I came back after an awesome time with the Pan Mee fellas. The people present were Eugene, Josiah, Joshua, U Shen, U Wyn, Xing Guo, Alie, Sheralyn, Ping, Naveena and her sister and Rach. (did I miss out anyone??).

Anyway, back to Narnia. My favourite character will probably be Peter. He's a born leader and knows how to handle irritating siblings ( like Edmund. Can't that guy learn to watch his tongue??). This is something I have to learn from Peter. Being nice to my sibling cause I can be such a meanie to my sister. Plus, he carefully weighs his decisions before acting on them and is humble enough to seek wisdom and guidance from Aslan. Another thing I need to learn cause I can come across as arrogant and a know-it-all. And he's brave to fight the White Witch until Aslan came to his aid. Oh yeah, and the Wolf also (which was his first battle).

The only exception is that Walden Media kind of destroyed my image of Peter. To a certain degree, I'll say that William Moseley is decent enough to play 'Peter', yet he wasn't what I "saw" in my imagination while reading Narnia. Oh well, James McAvoy really fitted my image of Mr. Tumnus, so I guess Walden Media did a good job on him too.

Now that SPM is over ( YIPPPEEEE!!!!!) I can finally sip a mug of Milo and get lost in the world of Narnia. Oh yeah, and re-create Peter Pan.

Gosh, whats with me and the name 'Peter'???

Note : I'm not going to waste 2 hours of my life watching "New Moon", so don't bother inviting me for it. ( This is my arrogant self speaking! hehehe).

Youth and age, O what a vast difference!

2009-12-01T18:45:00.000-08:00

I love this poem by Shakespeare.

"Crabbed age and youth cannot live together"
( From "The Passionate Pilgrim, XII" )

CRABBED age and youth cannot live together
Youth is full of pleasure, age is full of care;
Youth like summer morn, age like winter weather;
Youth like summer brave, age like winter bare;
Youth is full of sport, age's breath is short;
Youth is nimble, age is lame;
Youth is hot and bold, age is weak and cold;
Youth is wild, age is tame.
Age, I do abhor thee, youth, I do adore thee;
O! my love, my love is young:
Age, I do defy thee: O! sweet shepherd, hie thee,
For methinks thou stay'st too long.

Sometimes I wish you just would listen and understand how I feel. But you love to force your ideologies and theologies while I'm still speaking. Give me a chance.. Understand why I feel the way I feel. So much for psychology masters, huh?

Beauty That Surpasses All...

2009-11-27T22:42:00.000-08:00

"Open your eyes, my child and see the beauty around you...Savour every moment before it fades like a lost memory..."

Up till today, I'm still thanking my dad for buying our house in Templer. The atmosphere really suits my personality. Every morning the mist appears and I'll be up either praying or writing and just watching the mist dance around the mountains. Early mornings are lovely in my area. Especially when I visit the two Thumbelinas and look for cats around my house, it has a little therapeutic effect on me.

My dad has really did up the garden although he's stopped for a while because of work. The front view of our house is really nice, now that all the weeds and monitor lizards ( EWW!!!) have been cleared. Even the house looks better with the new curtains.

Oh yeah, for those of you wondering who are the two Thumbelinas, here's a picture of them. Do you know why I love them?? Firstly, one is my favourite colour (the purple) and secondly... can you picture a baby girl that is a size of a woman's thumb sleeping in the flower? If you don't, then looks like I'm very imaginative. And thats good. I think.

Here's the reddish-pink one. Beautiful...

This is my favourite. The best among all the flowers in my house. I LOVE THE PURPLE. Its awesome. Everytime I see her, I feel so happy. I don't know why.
;-)

"For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land; The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape, give a good smell. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away..."

Song Of Solomon 2:11-12

And so it bleeds...

2009-11-27T22:30:00.000-08:00

Words cannot form
This burning pain
Scraping against the wounds
of my heart
Broken

Soothe it the rain could never
By no means of thought
Logic sleeps but the heart wakes
Groping blindly in the increasing
Silence

Idiot mouths speak
Worthless venom of speech
That our charity wrong
Immensely my heart
Hurts

Yet still I hear you singing
in the distance forming
A smile on my face
Of your assuring voice bringing
Hope

In your embrace my heart rests
My soul secured to the One above
A slow healing, a bandage wrapped
Bring forth
Peace

The Apple of Youth

2009-11-25T19:26:00.000-08:00

C.S. Lewis is truly another author that has inspired me besides Jane Austen. I was in my sister's room the other day looking for my scissors that SHE BORROWED AND DID NOT RETURN and came across 'The Chronicles of Narnia' sitting on top of her CD player. I read the first three books two years ago but couldn't continue because of PMR. Then forgot about it until that day.

Despite SPM still going on, I took the book and started reading "The Magician's Nephew". Oh my, I was whisked into a world so beautiful that my imagination was flying off and I felt it was also a learning journey for me to explore how Lewis writes and improve mine as well. Narnia was born out of nothing. Pure Darkness until Aslan sang Narnia into life.

I just finished the first book when my handphone started playing "Remembering You" by Steven Curtis Chapman from 'The Chronicles of Narnia OST'. Just the right time. I've been having so many fresh ideas in my head (and heart) to start writing again so I prepared a special notebook for ideas and random sprinkles of inspiration that I now carry with me wherever I go until SPM is over so I can finally organize my thoughts and work the pen and paper. I really miss writing.

I still miss the nights and 4.00 ams I would spend writing under my Daffy Duck lampstand because my dad doesn't allow us to be up in such uncivilized hours. I also remember the steaming hot chocolate I would carry into my room before I started writing for the next 4 hours. I was such an active writer until SPM knocked on my door.

I can't wait to write my next masterpiece and hopefully continue Peter and Wendy's adventures together in saving Neverland from the evil Captain Hook and see Peter blush over Tiger Lily *miss that moment*

Wouldn't it be nice to write in a place like this??

Rubbish-ing!

2009-11-21T05:10:00.000-08:00

No wonder God made us to have two ears and one mouth. My mouth gets me into trouble so I've decided to SHUT UP and talk when its really really necessary. Seriously. I detest myself sometimes for my big mouth.

Yesterday night I exploded. I screamed, cried and shouted into my towel on my bed. Dramatic, right? Thats the result of having pent-up feelings. Something I need to renounce.

I have finally found inspiration to write a story after 8 whole months since Peter Pan. I wonder how he's doing with Wendy and the Lost boys???

I wrote my first sonnet last friday. AWESOMEness...

Twilight is stupid. As well as New Moon and the rest.. What a bad way to potray "LOVE". Pfft!!!!!!

Tomorrow...I'm still thinking if I should have Pan Mee for lunch with the gang or go off alone to eat chicken rice by myself. Someone help me??

I don't know what to blog about so I'm just rubbish-ing some random stuff...

CARISSA...
GET..
A..
LIFE...

And Goliath approaches...

2009-11-16T22:28:00.000-08:00

The day has finally come. Surprisingly I'm not at all scared and I don't feel stirred reading my friends's FB's and blogs of how scared they are. Seriously, its just another exam. With the exception that you're sitting for it in an exam hall that makes you sweat more than usual since the place where you're sitting is so far away from the fan and your papers are marked all around the country and your results can sometimes depend on the mood or emotional state of the examiners and if you fail, YOU DIE!!
Haha. Lame. *cough*

But I'm geared for it. People are praying for me and I've been praying since last year. And of course, I've been studying. I can finally look at SPM in the eye and say, "Bring it on, you scumbag!!". Sorry for my drama. Its what I do best. *dazzling smile*

Anyway, ALL THE BEST for all you SPM-ers. If you studied, good. If you didn't, God bless you.
Just look at it this way, FREEDOM is coming... are you ready for it???

Dear Jane and other ramblings

2009-11-15T18:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday night as I was studying, I came across my journal. I call her Jane (on acount of Jane Austen) and as I opened it and read everything that happened throughout 2009, I was amazed at how far I've come this year. My journal had almost everything: Body issues, back-bitting friends, a secret crush (that isn't so secret anymore, though I still wish it was), family conflicts, skyrocketing schoolwork, the pressure to "keep up an image", and fantasies of a writer.

I haven't written to Jane in four months seeing that my last entry date was 15 August 2009. So yesterday, I picked up my pen and started writing. Though I didn't write all the things that happened in the space of four months (yes, A LOT of things happened) but I will eventually.

Writing, for me, is therapeutic. Its like all the solutions to my problems are all in my mind and I just have to organise every data and pour it out on paper and POOF!! The solution appears and my troubles are gone. And I didn't need to confide in anyone. But there are times that I need a second person's input so that I'm not being destructive or whatever. Plus, writing helps me see a different perspective. And I release my emotions a lot.

Thats why I've been writing so many poems and sonnets! Yes, even sonnets!
Writing helps me to also come to terms with myself. Helps me forgive myself and understand why I feel the way I feel. Though there are times that I really can't understand myself.

No wonder I think I'm a weird person.
Cause I don't know of anyone else who feels this way. Okay, except Weijean. She probably understands.

"Tonight I can write the saddest lines

Write, for example,

The night is starry and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings...''

Pablo Neruda - Tonight I can write -

"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say"
~Anaïs Nin

Emotional Thinkers

2009-11-15T02:25:00.000-08:00

Its annoying when people insist that you're emo but actually you're not. I don't know if you get what I mean, but here's a typical situation:

Human : Eh cessa, why so emo wan??
Me : Who said? I'm not lah
Human: Then what's with the face?
Me: What face? I'm just thinking
Human: OOHH.. Emo lah
Me: No, not emo lah. *sighs to indicate that person to shut it*
Human : Ahh.. then I leave you alone.
Me : Thanks. *finally!*

Human walks away.

See??

I don't blame these clueless people but there are times that you just want to sit and be alone. And mind you, I love being alone. Though having people isn't so bad after all. Some of my friends sometimes find it so hard to relate to me because I'll be all happy and super hyper one minute and then quiet and withdrawn the next.
And no, I'm not suffering a psychological disease.
At least according to my dad ;-)

Silence is golden. * I can almost anticipate Mr. Higgins humming already*

So next time you see a person being emo, just smile. If they smile back, good. Then you can try to start a conversation. But if they stare at you murderously, STAY AWAY!!

At least thats applied in my case

:-)

HHRS: This is for YOU

2009-11-15T02:16:00.000-08:00

Friendship was when you believed in me even when I did not believe in myself.

Its gonna take a long, long, long time till we reach this stage but hey, throw me a challenge? I'm up for it! I won't stop believing and hoping.
Love comes softly. After all, its not an emotion. Its a commitment and sacrifice.
So I'm sacrificing my feelings.
Too bad the world doesn't see it that way.

St. Mary - a school to remember

2009-11-14T04:01:00.000-08:00

So it looks like my days in St. Mary's are over. This whole week was basically a time to remember all the great times and not-so-great times I had these past five years in St. Mary. I still remember stepping in to St. Mary, a quiet loner who was more interested in her writings than being somebody. But after five years, I've emerged a more confident and outspoken person, more outgoing and have developed good leadership skills. I didn't know I was capable of leadership.

But nevertheless, I'm a still a loner. Yet, I've had great people who walked in and out during these five years and have taught me that friendship is not always sweet. You have to work to keep the friendship alive. Like you're protecting and tending a flower.

St. Mary really moulded me into who I am today. Though I'll be honest that there were some things I didn't quite agree with the school, I guess nobody's perfect lah. So thank God I managed to kept myself from having a black mark.

I am proud of St. Mary and I want St. Mary to be proud of me

Cookie plans...yummy!!

2009-11-08T21:42:00.001-08:00

I've decided to rethink my life. After doing the S-H-A-P-E during CLDP 301, these are the gifts that I discovered about myself :

Counseling
Leadership
Miracles

The three primary gifts and somehow, I think 1 and 2 are true but I'm not too sure of 3. Miracles??? WOW!!

So thats why I was thinking a lot and I discovered that instead of wasting these gifts and talents away...I should do something about it.

I'm still praying if I should take Psychology. I feel led to do so but I'll still pray and seek the Lord about it. Once SPM is over, I hope I can go for more camps to sharpen my leadership skills and build character. Though I'm hoping that SUFES will have the writer's camp again next year seeing as I have to miss this year's due to SPM ;-(

I can't wait for college cause I want to be invloved in extra-curricular activites like how I was very involved in school. Indeed, St. Mary has shaped me to be capable of leadership responsibilities and I think that college will be a good platform to maximise my talents.

Looks like I'll be a super busy person once next year rolls on.

I don't know why people think its a joke that I want to work in Famous Amos. I LOVE COOKIES!!!! Even if I have to assemble them and sell them, it doesn't matter because its the love for cookies that counts. ( you should try my choco chip cookies, they're excellent! ;-P )

8 days left to SPM.

I CAN'T WAIT!!

Music comes Alive

2009-11-06T04:41:00.000-08:00

My sister is such a darling!
You know why?? YOU KNOW WHY???? *forgive me for being so excited*
She fixed my piano music box.
Thats why.

My mom gave it to me last time and I used to play it whenever I wrote poems or short stories. All I had to do was open the lid and "Fur Elise" - Beethoven would play.
Then one day, this little girl (I won't tell you who she is cause many of you know her) came into my room when I was at school and played with it. And broke it. So it sat on my shelf for one whole year and I didn't know what to do with it.

Today, my SISTA found it and with her engineer brain, fixed it and it played beautifully. My sister is good at fixing things. Once she fixed our car's tail lights and our remote control.
That part she inherited from my mother's side of the family tree.

I added the hair brush for an old-fashioned romantic effect. My beloved music box!!!

If I had money, I would buy a cello music box that played "The Swan" - by Saint Saens. My second favourite composer. And I would buy a dancing ballerina music box that plays "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" - by Tchaikovsky.

Those two songs are my favourite classical songs.

Its so romantic and it allows my mind to dream the impossible.

THANK YOU, CHELLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Going Solo

2009-11-05T02:39:00.000-08:00

I've been solo for 2 years...
Probably will be for the next 6 years...

Enjoy your single life...

Do the things God wants you to do, whatever He has placed in your heart...

Have as many friends as you can...

Travel around the world...

Expand your creativity and knowledge...

Life is great. When you're single.

The second last week of High School

2009-11-05T01:50:00.000-08:00

I've got one week left in St. Mary.
How time has flown by. Yesterday during school leavers' service, I was still marvelling that God gave me the boldness to share my testimony to the entire school.
Wow.
:-)

So, I decided that I'm gonna eat all my favourite foods from the canteen for the next one week since all I eat in the canteen is just "buah-buahan".
Healthy option ;-)

Class party is next week. I'll try to post some pictures....wow.
My last class party.

*sobs*
*sobs again*

Thank God I'm a loner. At least the pain of separation isn't that bad. But I'm gonna miss my classmates. They're great friends.

I still remember the time in Form 4 when they dared me to shut up for a week since I'm such a noisy freak. I didn't make it.
My personality is so phlegmatic-melancholic yet I have a sanguine side. I haven't discovered my choleric side yet.

One more week in ST. MARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pan Mee in Black

2009-10-29T05:38:00.000-07:00

Another beautiful picture of the Pan Mee Fellas. Somehow we all have toothy smiles!!
Except the Teh brothers..
:-)

L-R (Top): Rachel, Alie, Josiah, U Shen (Paul), U Wyn (David) and Xing Guo (Thomas)
L-R (Bottom): Patricia, Adie, Joanna, me, Shammah, PING, Sheralyn

The only people missing : Jess Kan, Joshua, Jason and Eugene ( dunno where those two fellas went!)

I wonder whats the colour theme next week.
If it was pink, I would really LOVE to see how Josiah and Shammah would look like!
HAHAHA!
:-)

Another burst of anger

2009-10-29T05:29:00.001-07:00

Gosh, I feel so good now.

When you really need to say something thats been bothering your spirit, just say it out. At least I'm not like SOME bloggers who use obscene language and cheapen their dignity! At least I take it out reasonably. Sighh...enough of that.

HMMMMMMM....I've got nothing to say already. Said whatever I had to say.

Never pass up an opportunity to keep quiet so as to avoid putting your foot into your mouth!
GRRRRR...

Sabar, cessa. SABAR...

A burst of anger

2009-10-29T05:20:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to be bothered if people talk about us anymore. We're just friends, so what's the big deal? If people want to go ahead and sin by gossipping and spreading gossip, they are answerable to God. If people are jealous because we share a beautiful friendship, then that's they're problem. I've decided not to care about what people think about us already. If they want to spread rumours and dwell in their shallow opinions and conclusions, then I don't give a hoot.

For those of you who hate reading emo posts, then why bother reading my blog??

I apologize for my harsh anger, but its what I feel right now.

Sabar, cessa. SABAR..........

*inhale exhale*

Walk away

2009-10-27T20:20:00.000-07:00

I'm walking away from hurt...
I'm walking away from past sins and shame...

I'm walking away from my thoughts...
I'm walking away from the longing I feel...
I'm walking away from the world...

I'm walking towards The One who Created the Heavens and the Earth...

Yup, thats where I'm going...

"Dear God, why am I feeling the way I'm feeling right now?"
" Its OK, honey. Come to Me."
"Will everything be alright? Will I be okay??"
"Trust me, child. You will be."

2009-10-27T20:18:00.001-07:00

"Let not our longing for one another slay our appetite for living"
- Jim Elliot

Mindless-ness

2009-10-27T19:18:00.000-07:00

Lets see my schedule this weekend:

Overnight Prayer in school - Friday : Tongues of fire!!!!! AMEN!
Youth prayer - Saturday : I hope I'll be able to make it seeing that I'll be in school
Worship practice - Saturday : FUN, FUN, FUN. =)
Prefect's Farewell Party - Saturday : Hmmmmmm..... oh well, it IS my last year so I'll just go!
Church - Sunday: AWEsome!!
Christmas Presentation practice : Double AWEsome!!!

Then, I'm back to school.

Wow, its almost November.

SPM....come to me!!! I can't wait to slap you on the face!

HA!

* so lame!*

:-)

A Steadfast Love

2009-10-25T02:43:00.000-07:00

I would give anything...
Just to see you smile...
Just to hear your laugh...
Just to listen to your voice again...
Just to look into your eyes...

I will keep on believing...
That there are greater things in store for us...
That it was by no accident that you walked into my life...
That we will have a future together...
A bright and beautiful one forever...

I should in the mean time...
Wait on the Lord...
Have faith in Him...
Continue to pray for you...
And love you even more...

People can stand in between you and me...
People can keep me from looking at you...
People can speak unbelief into my mind...
But one thing's for sure...
People cannot stop my heart that beats for you...

I will wait for the right time...
Love is Patient...
I will continue to persevere...
Love hopes and believes all things...
Love never fails...

Thirsty

2009-10-25T02:20:00.001-07:00

This is the Word I received from the Lord today, October 25th 2009, 11:10 am during service in FGA Selayang:

John 6:35

"Then Jesus declared, " I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me will never go hungry, and he who believes in Me will never be thirsty."

"Dear Lord, I desperately thirst for You. In this dry and barren land where trials and temptations surround me, I want to drink the living water from You. Only You can fill this empty space in My heart..."

A second chance

2009-10-23T04:51:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm reading "Persuasion" by Jane Austen. Its a really good book ( of course it is! All Austen's books are amazing! ).

Its about having a second chance at love. The story tells of Anne Elliot who was persuaded by a friend to break off her engagement to ambitious, naval officer Frederick Wentworth - a man whom she loved passionately - because he was poor. After eight years, he returns to her life as a successful captain but is still smarting from the rejection and heartbreak....
I won't tell you the rest of the story.

"There, he had learnt to distinguish between the steadiness of principle and the obstinacy of self-will, between the darings of heedlessness and the resolution of a collected mind. There he had seen everything to exalt in his estimation the woman he had lost; and there begun to deplore the pride, the folly, the madness of resentment, which had kept him from trying to regain her when thrown in his way..."

What I've learnt from this book:

LOVE IS PATIENT.

Stress - tears and sweat (blood included!)

2009-10-20T19:20:00.000-07:00

Gosh, my brain is gonna give way.
I've been studying past midnight almost everyday.
Including Physics since I've got no choice T_T

27 more days of hard labour..
9 days of exam...

Then I'm FREEEE!!!!!
Till then, I'm a walking zombie. Don't ask me why I have eye bags and why my hair is frizzing all over the place!

No wonder my hair has been falling off. At least I know its not the Maggi Mee.
:-)

SIGHHH... I guess this last picture SUMS it all up..

GRRR!!!

One letter

2009-10-18T19:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Carissa,

Just CHILL, ok? Yes, I know SPM is 29 days away but if you sit and groan about how you wish a giant meteor could struck the earth so you don't have to sit for it, its NOT gonna happen. So instead of moping around, just open those reference books and get your nose into your books!!

Its not too late. You still have 29 days of intensive studying.
Its not the end of the world. I know everybody is counting on you and your parents are so hyper about scholarships, just forget about them for this time being, ok? You study hard, do your best and make God proud.

Yes, most of your friends are such brainiacs but you don't have to compare yourself with them. You're a strong person, you have scored straight As before, so you see?? ITS POSSIBLE!!!

Right now, just focus. Forget the world. Forget your problems. Forget that negative voice in your head. Just motivate yourself. Study hard. Be diligent. And reap the benefits later on, okay?

YOU CAN DO IT!!

From,
Carissa

P.S. Smile!!

2009-10-18T19:13:00.001-07:00

BAHHHHH!!!!!

What is wrong with me???

Shouldn't I be more thankful?

Stupid, stupid girl!

2009-10-18T18:54:00.001-07:00

I don't know what I want...

So don't ask me...

Cause I'm still trying to figure it out myself...

Sigh...

I wish I knew the sign boards to the road I'm walking on

But I'm just walking...

Pan Mee Family

2009-10-18T02:24:00.000-07:00

PAN MEE posers = Green Sunday + More madness

My pan mee sisters!! L-R :Joanna, Alie, Adeline, Me, Sheralyn, Jess ( below)

Pretty people...

Green goblins?? Joshua and Samuel

What a happy happy family of Pan Mee lovers...

Oi ping, you didn't even offer your pau!

Two gays and a pretty girl...hmmmmmm...

L-R: Josiah, Adeline, Shammah

Beautiful.. L-R: Ping, Jess, Pat, Joanna, Alie, Adeline, Sheralyn, Cynthia

below - Manju, me

L-R: Andrew, Joshua, Adeline, Manju, Josiah, Sheralyn, Cynthia, Samuel.

Samuel - syok sendiri, Alie and Joanna - supposedly dancing, Jason and his big smile, Eugene ( Mr. BLUR..)

Told you I had great friends!!

:-)

Diwali fever??

2009-10-16T05:24:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is gonna be a great day.

First up, I've got open house at Sarves, then Dano's and the last, Lisa's house. I'm so glad that I can hang-out with my classmates after school hours. All of them are gonna look so gorgeous and pretty without all the school rules. ( HEHEHE, I sound like a rebel ). Plus, my sister has been shipped off to my grandparent's. :-)

I'm just gonna eat eat eat eat eat and enjoy myself before I hibernate in my room to continue my studying. I can't wait to take photos. I might post it up here if I'm hardworking. Or not, check my Facebook and you'll see it there.

After that, I'm heading off to church. Too bad I can't have lunch with the Pan Mee fellas but oh well, theres always Sunday!! I wonder whats the colour theme this week. Last Sunday, everyone looked so pure and innocent in white. The sunday before that, we wore blue and everyone looked so calm... But the best was the Hari Raya week when we wore red and took pictures.
SIGHHHH...Beautiful memories..

Can't wait for tomorrow.
I've got such great friends.
Wouldn't trade them for the world!!

:-)

L.O.V.E

2009-10-14T05:28:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you have...

A pair of forbidden lovers...

A bridge over the calm waters...

And the Bible... ??????

I think I would write a book about the greatest love story ever.

HAHA!

;-)

Espresso drips?

2009-10-14T05:15:00.000-07:00

*GULP*

5 more weeks...

11 subjects...

Dear God, PLEASE HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love Bio because...

2009-10-13T06:02:00.000-07:00

How am I gonna promote Biology to all the Form 3 students tomorrow???

Firstly, I'm so honoured that my teacher chose me. I guess its because I really put in a lot of effort to study and score well in my trials, thats why she chose me :-)
And I don't have much of a problem speaking in front of crowds.

I'm not trying to praise myself or anything, but I'm really honoured to be chosen to promote the subject I love. Won't you feel the same way too??

The only problem is that I'm stuck and I don't know what to say. How do I start my talk? How will I make it interesting that the Form 3s will like it?

Why do I love BIO?? I guess I'll start with that.
Then move on from there.

After all, the study of Biology opens my mind to wonder how on earth God could come up with such things as homosapiens, autotrophs and genetic variations?
Its a wonder really.
Indeed, what an awesome and mighty God we serve!!

Hymns and Spiritual songs

2009-10-11T19:23:00.000-07:00

My spiritual walk with the Lord has really gone up a new level. Everyday when I have my quiet time, theres always a passage of scripture that will strike me and I know its from the Lord because its so relevant in my life. Because of this new relationship I have with Him, my worship experiences in church have been more meaningful.
Yesterday, after the service, a hymn popped into my head.

"Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" - the chorus part kept playing over and over.
And I felt this wonderful peace. I just wept a bit on my seat. I couldn't help it.

Almost as peaceful as a Rose Garden. If ever I could spend a whole day by myself, it would be in a garden full of roses where I can write my masterpieces and just talk to God like how I would talk to a friend. Well, I hope I'll find this place instead of always seeing it in my dreams. And if I find this place, the first person I'll bring to this place would be ...... "you-know-who". *wink*

I'm trusting the Lord for so many things right now. Firstly, its my career. Deep inside I know I'm called to be a writer. Its just that I don't know how I'm going to get there. My parents are so enthusiastic about me going overseas and getting a scholarship. Its just I don't know if I'll have the grades to match that standard. Plus, part of me wants to go overseas, the other part just wants to stay here.

Its okay, the Lord is sovereign. Its not for me to know the times and seasons that the Lord has put in His authority. ( Acts 1:7). So I'll continue to trust in Him.

I still wonder and worry about the future, but I know that my future is sealed in HIs hands.

Its gonna take a whole bucket of faith.

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

Look full in His wonderful face,

And the things of the earth will grow strangely dim,

In the light of His glory and grace..."

Helen H. Lemmel, 1922.

21 drumsticks??

2009-10-11T02:11:00.000-07:00

If only I brought my camera today to capture that "touching" moment. He confessed that he felt like crying...AWWWW....
Hope you loved the drumsticks and card from the PAN MEE GANG.

We love you too, Shammah!
:-)

Happy 21st birthday. Keep drumming for Christ and keep smiling.

Just don't burp lah, okay??

:-)

Our praise and all we are today..

2009-10-09T07:24:00.000-07:00

This song has been stuck in my head the whole day.

"Take it all" - Hillsong United.

How I wish I was part of this concert!
:-)

BRRR...

2009-10-09T07:13:00.000-07:00

I don't want to put myself down. I'm not a player. I just happen to a romantic, okay? So why does this thought keep bugging me? I feel so degraded. Its me. I'm degrading myself. Gosh, I hate emo-ing on my blog but I just can't help it! Why can't life just be a little peaceful for once?
Dear God, why do I feel this way?
Why can't I be assured that I am a child of God and that I don't have to give in to these thoughts.
Dear God, I need your help.
I feel like crying.
I'm already tearing in the inside but I need Your stength to be strong. I have to be strong.

I'm not a worthless person. I'm not. I'm not.
My mind is telling me that I am.

I'm gonna explode.

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Wait

2009-10-09T06:46:00.000-07:00

I stood at the bridge, watching the peaceful flow of the river. My insides burst in anticipation, awaiting his arrival. I glanced down at my big black Bible, feeling every corner and exhaling slowly.
" Dear God, please calm the storm in me. I can't chicken out now"
I breathed in the fresh air and looked at my watch once more.
1.33 pm.
Hearing the sound of foot steps, I glanced sharply to the left, hoping it was him. Nope, it wasn't. I gave a small smile to the passer-by then looked back at the river, the trees and the beautiful flowers that decorated the scenery.
A beautiful Thursday afternoon. A Thursday afternoon that would probably bring about cherished memories and happy smiles. As much as my nerves killed the walls of my stomach, I had to be strong. After all, it was just my best friend, wasn't it? Whats so fearsome about that?
Exhaling slowly for the last time, I looked to my left toward the stairs that led to the bridge.
He was there.
The gymnastics in my stomach accelerated even more.
Then he smiled.

-to be continued-

An excerpt from my devotions

2009-10-07T05:45:00.000-07:00

"I am the Lord's servant," said Mary; "may it happen to me as you have said." And the angel left her.
Luke 1:38

Then He said to them all, " If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me".
Luke 9:23

" Lord, Your strength is a tower
The righteous run into
Lord, Your love is a banner over us
And we hold on to the promise
That Your hold on us is true
There's no other like You,
Jesus

No one like You

Always
Again I say rejoice..."

" Rejoice" - Chris Tomlin.

Dear God, make clear to me Your word. Fill me with Your Spirit.
I LOVE YOU, LORD.
=)

Random

2009-10-06T06:43:00.000-07:00

I need chocolate.
DESPERATELY need chocolate.
I need CHOCOLATE.

Sigh, have to study till after midnight!
At least I'll go visit the bridge tomorrow
:-)

''This is my Generation"

2009-10-04T01:33:00.000-07:00

I can't wait for the next episode of American Dreams
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Long Live the Swinging 60s!

:-D

More ramblings...

2009-10-02T05:23:00.000-07:00

I can't wait for SPM to be over. Then I can finally go to a quiet place and just listen to the environment. I'm super emo nowadays, its scaring me. I know its not the hormones but its probably my fried brain cause I'm so tired of my mundane life.

I need more colour, don't you think?

I want to go to a place where I can empty all the contents of my mind and live mindless-ly for a while. I have this tendency to think too much and I've got to stop it. I need a chocolate milkshake and more glucose. I need to internalize scripture and speak it out loud so that my ears will ear it.

I need more faith.
I need to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I'm strong. That whatever mood I'm in, things are gonna be okay. I just have to hold on to God and have loads and loads of faith.
I'm not alone, I've got good friends. I've got family. I've got PAN MEE.

Then WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY am I feeling this way??

Sigh, why is life so hard????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

2009-10-02T05:19:00.001-07:00

My life is so quiet.
Sometimes I feel like dying.
But theres a spark of hope telling me that
"Everything's gonna be alright"
Just keep holding on
Keep climbing harder
God is with me

I'll keep my head up high
Just look forward and smile
At least I know I'm not alone
I've got my notebook and pen with me
I could write the greatest love story ever written
All I need is inspiration and more hope.

I CAN DO IT!!

Babbles

2009-09-27T01:52:00.001-07:00

Service was awesome today. Apart from the incredible worship, the message by Uncle Selvam was equally good too. God will not leave us nor forsake us. I'll say Amen! to that.

Gosh, I feel so lonely. Wish I had someone to talk to. Its been so long since my mom yelled from downstairs to tell me that I have a phone call. Hmmmm...maybe I should proceed with my plan to migrate to the beach then perhaps I'll get more calls. Hehehehehe. Just kidding.

Its true what Mrs. Ganaser said during one Sejarah class back in form 4. "Theres a space in your heart that only God can fill". And I believe that she is so right. Looking back the past two weeks, God had been really great to me and I can see that I'm growing in my faith. Through the YF, BK class, morning prayer at school and the love, friendship and encouragement from the PAN MEE GANG, I have really increased in my faith.

The only thing I'm struggling with now is my studies. SPM is 6 weeks away and I'm so reluctant to drag my behind to the study table and STUDY! Do you know that before every study session, I sit down and pray so that I'll have full concentration? Mind you, it works!

I just completed 75 minutes of Physics. (which is a miracle!)

Oh well, got BM tuition today and have to psych up myself for a week of school because my test results are waiting for me!
Gotta blast!
>.<

-RANDOM- : Its been a while since I had pan mee soup.

Yahoooooooooo!!!!!!

2009-09-26T03:49:00.000-07:00

I feel refreshed.
As much as it still hurts, nothing is impossible with God.
God is sovereign.

I'll study hard for the sake of seeing a smile on my grandfather's face and to praise the Lord as well.
I'll push harder and leave everything at His feet.
Nothing is impossible with God.

I won't give up. I will try harder. I will do it for the Lord.
I will have faith.

"And whatever you do, do it heartily as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance, for you serve the Lord Christ"
Colossians 3:23-24

Once Upon A Dream

2009-09-25T19:18:00.000-07:00

Once upon a dream
When a young lover sat by the rain
Awaiting her beloved's return
Writing her verses of love
Wishing to be in his arms again

Once upon a dream
When a young lover sat by the mirror
Combing her soft luscious locks
Reminiscing the touch of his hand on each strand of her hair
That glorious evening together

Once upon a dream
When a young lover sat by the moonlight
Closing her eyes, imagining his eyes
of innocent brown
Wishing she could see them again

Once upon a dream
When a young lover sat under the sunshine
Loving the way he smiled at her
Like a thousand gleams of the sun
Wishing she could freeze that beautiful sight

Once upon a dream
When a young lover sat in the cold
Wishing the warm embrace of her beloved
And his soft assurring declarations of love
As she laid on his chest, as he stroked her hair

Once upon a dream
When a young lover smiled under the stars
When it was all just a dream
A perfect dream
Of a happy ever after

A channel of blessing

2009-09-25T06:09:00.000-07:00

I think the best way to learn the scriptures is through debates and discussions with one another. During BK class today, we discussed Luke 19 and 20. At first, we read the passage and after that Ms. Sim explains it to us so that we'll get an idea of it. Once that was done, the girls and I started debating and discussing certain passages of scripture that almost took more than an hour. Through this, I've learnt so many things on why Jesus said and did what He did. I'm so inspire to study the Word more.

After our break, we suddenly talked about BGR. It was so unexpected because we were supposed to proceed to Luke 21. Although I won't tell you what we discussed since its P&C, I just felt this deep peace flowing through me, as some of you know that I'm going through a rough time now. Whatever Ms. Sim said really made sense and in my heart I was thanking God because He used Ms. Sim to speak to us, especially to me.

I really enjoyed BK class today because I found a new way to learn scripture. I just wished that the YF would do activities like this because we don't just learn from one another, but we also learn to listen to other people's point of view and in the process, we grow closer.
Its amazing how the Lord can really speak to us through people.

I went to BK with a wounded heart but I came back healed!
Although it will take time, I know God will ressurect the friendship and heal the wounds, so right now I'll just depend on Him and give my whole life to Him.

''Heaven and earth shall pass away; but My words shall not pass away"
Luke 21:33

Answering the Call?

2009-09-23T19:25:00.000-07:00

I think I know my calling in life already.
It was there all the while, just that I got distracted with what others wanted and what else I could do.
I'm a writer.

I love writing articles, stories, poems, memoirs, plays and diary entries of make believe people. Especially when Ms. Goh requested for the articles on relationships for the school magazine. While I was working on it, this nice peace just surrounded me and I could almost hear a voice inside telling me "This is what you're made to do".

Gosh, I sound so dramatic.

Plus, I'm quite a passionate person. When I put my heart into something, I give my all and just do it. Although I'm so inspired to write a novel now but I'm telling myself that SPM is just 5 WEEKS AWAY!!!! I wish I could put that same passion into my studies right now.

I imagine a lot. I'm just afraid that if people know my impossible imaginations, they might laugh, ridicule and think I'm crazy. Or like my dad, who thinks that "I'm living in denial".

Wow, my future is too bright.
Am I running away from it?

2009-09-23T19:23:00.000-07:00

My phone's been confisticated.
I'm forced to stay away from my best friend.
SPM is just 5 weeks away.

I love my life!

Dear Miss Austen

2009-09-23T05:13:00.000-07:00

Jane Austen...

Miss Austen, how I wish you were alive right now.
Cause I really need some good advice.
What everyone else is telling me, I just don't want to hear them.
I wish I knew what you had to say.

GOSH, I'M SERIOUSLY GOING MADDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-09-23T05:08:00.000-07:00

If only you knew how much I miss you
If only you knew how sad I feel
If only I could just hear your voice again
If only this did not happen

If only I could run into your arms and just cry
If only you were there to wipe my tears and say
"Its OK, my dear. Everything will be OK"
If only we went back to the time when we were good friends

I miss You, Mr. Higgins
I really do
;-)

SLYNG-ers. Pan mee posers??

2009-09-20T07:13:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday all of us decided to wear red. (And for the first time, Josiah didn't rotate his shirt! Hahaha). Some photos:

This was really cute. Especially Sharma and Joanna.

One random day at Youth Fellowship. Photo taken by Aunty Fer.

We just had to hide the main POSER.

And suddenly, Samuel became a superstar! HEHEHEHE.

The poser strikes again!

Youth Fellowship is sooooooooooooooooo fun!!!

Although I wished I had a high-tech camera

Cure for the blues (results may vary)

2009-09-18T21:18:00.000-07:00

I came up with this list to cure moodiness. Well, it worked for me so I decided to post it up:
CAUTION: Make sure you alert your family so that they don't have to worry if you need psychotherapeutic help ;-)

Blast your music on top volume and DANCE!
Call up your best friend :-)
Eat an entire bar of your favourite chocolate (at least for once, don't care about the calories!)
Annoy your sister by barging in her room and pressing her flabby arms. I somehow felt better (sorry, 'Chel!)
Read the Bible
Run around the house screaming at the top of your lungs!
LAUGH.
Disturb your mom while she's preparing for work. Take her highlighter, her pens, pencils and throw them around the bed than plop yourself on it.
Do your favourite thing.
Do 20 jumping jacks while listening to Planetshakers
Eat a tablespoon of condensed milk.

If all else fails, then wallow in your moodiness for a while. After that, give yourself a kick on your behind and say "Life's too short for me to bash myself up and be all moody!"

No wonder I'm insane!

5SC2 - So Random LAH!!

2009-09-18T20:52:00.000-07:00

This is my beloved class.
I'm so proud to call myself a 5Sc2-er!!
Look at those 33 beautiful smiles... they're gorgeous!

May we never forget one another and keep in touch.
Love you all!!

5SC2- "SO RANDOM LAH!"

More endorphins,anybody??

2009-09-17T03:40:00.000-07:00

Judith showed me this
And up until now, I can't stop laughing!
:-)

Up, up and away!!

2009-09-11T20:13:00.000-07:00

"Strength and self-respect are her clothing; She is facing the future with a smile"
Proverbs 31:25

I'm back on my feet.
HOOOORAYYY!!!!!

The best part?
I got my best friend back
;-)

And I can indeed face the future with a smile.
Thank You, Lord for being there for me through every step.

My heart's cry

2009-09-05T02:52:00.002-07:00

Right now, I feel so broken.
I feel a deep sense of loss.
I feel like going down on my kness and crying out to the Lord
"God, please restore the friendship"

I know it will take time.
It will take trainloads of faith.
I know it will take time to heal.
What a beautiful friendship we shared.

I feel so much pain.
I feel so much sadness to see the friendship on hold.
I feel so alone.
Like I have no one.

I feel like I have lost my best, best friend.
The God-sent friend I've always been wishing.
If we were of the same gender, WOW!!
We would have been lifelong buddies, true best friends.

I know its hard on him as much as its hard on me.
But I'm gonna be patient.
Because Love is Patient.
Its God's standard.

I will continue to look up to God for help.
He is the only one I have now.
I feel so alone.
I feel so broken.

I feel like as though my heart has been wrenched out, squeezed, ran over with a large tractor,
exploded with a bomb and stepped on a few times.
That's the extent of the pain I'm feeling.

My only cry to you O Lord,
"Please restore the friendship"
Even if it will take years and years and years.
I will wait.
And wait.
And wait.

Reflections

2009-09-01T02:06:00.000-07:00

A little broken but I'll be fine.
I thank God that He has placed special people in my life who build me up and will always be there whenever I need them. I also thank Him that I've received true and unconditional love from a special person He has placed in my life.

What I've learnt from this is that when you love someone, you just love them. You truly care for their well-being and that you place their best interests and their heart's desires above yours because you love them so much.
Love does not hurt but selfish ambitions do.
And that is the most important lesson I've learnt.

A part of me cannot forgive myself for breaking a delicate heart.
The other part tells me to "Be still".
God will come through for us and heal our broken hearts.

If its God's will for a union to happen in the future, then let it be done according to His will. I will submit and surrender my life totally into His hands for He is my Saviour and My Redeemer. I will serve Him wholeheartedly and die to my selfish ambitions.

1 Corinthians 13.
Is what true love is all about.
:D

Lost in HIS eyes...

2009-08-27T03:22:00.000-07:00

"You showed me something that I couldn't see
You opened my eyes and you made me believe

You lift my my feet off the ground
You spin me around
You make me crazier crazier
Feels like I'm falling and I
I'm lost in your eyes
You make me crazier crazier crazier..."

"Crazier" - Taylor Swift

Oh how I love your beautiful brown eyes...
I'll just close my eyes and see it

Somebody WHACK me on the head!
I'm going crazy.

*How am I gonna survive without you??*

Spot the Difference :-)

2009-08-26T22:52:00.000-07:00

Notice something similar???

If you know what it is, congrats to you!!
Hehehe.

Its nice to compare Franklin SR. and Franklin JR.
Except that one is a man and the other is a "young virgin" >inside joke!<

Things we share in common:

Love for reading
The natural ability to talk in front of people (eg. speeches, classes, acting...)
Our sense of blatant sarcasm.
Quiet mouses in the house but loud when we're outside
Our serious, "die-you!" stare when we're angry
Reading in the toilet until mom comes knocking :D
We're both excellent actors
The thin smile we give when mom goes "yadda yadda yadda" with the housework and being nice to Rachel and all that!
Spacing out when we're not in the mood to talk
Emo-ing with cold silence

But above all that, we're still different in ways.

For those of you who still can't figure out the deal with the pictures...

Did you notice our 1000 MEGAWATT SMILES???

Its a classic Morais trait.

That only my dad and I share in this family.

Conclusion: I love my family :P

Wishing for my perfect girlfriend...

2009-08-26T05:25:00.001-07:00

Its so depressing when you find that the friends whom you were super close with have all moved on. Especially when you check out their Facebook and blogs and you see pictures of them with your other friends but you're not in it...it hurts.

It hurts when people whom you used to go "pan mee" with are not there anymore.
It hurts when people whom you used to talk on the phone for hours now don't call you anymore or drop in a text message.
It hurts when you have nobody to share the most beautiful things happening to you. Like how I've met Tom Lefroy.

I try not to think about it but somehow it will creep its way back into my mind.
I try telling myself that I'll find better friends in college.
I try telling myself that I'm a loner and that I don't need anybody.

The thing is that God created us to interact and have people around us. None of us are meant to be lone rangers. But looks like I'm learning something during this period of loneliness.

I've learnt that people will walk in and out of your lives.
I've learnt that you've gotta stay strong when that happens.
I've learnt that there will be someone out there who will be my best friend.
I just have to be patient.

I have to pray and hope that God will bring this awesome girl into my life.
Gosh, I sound so lesbian. HEHEHEHEHEEHEHE.

Right now, I'll just have to be happy with my own company.
I'll find that girl some day.

A sex-enriched world??

2009-08-24T05:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I marvel at how blunt music can be these days. Especially in sexual meanings. I happened to turn on the radio today and "Love Game" by Lady Gaga was playing. Knowing its such a sex-enriched song, I changed to another radio station and the same song was playing again!
Then I happened to turn on the TV and flipped to Hitz.TV and I was ambushed by the "Love Game" music video. And I was shocked!! The male back-up dancers were touching and caressing her at all the wrong places! Plus, her dressing was so open and slutty. And she was dancing in a very sexual way.

I really don't know why teenagers think these things are "cool" and entertaining. Its almost like watching mild porn or something. Teenagers actually bow their heads to all these disgusting rubbish! Sometimes I don't know how some women have the guts to cheapen themselves and exploit themselves to the whole world in provocative music videos and movies. Yeah, you may call that art. Utter rubbish! Art was supposed to be beautiful, not CHEAP!

I wish girls out there would keep their purity. Save it for your future life companion. Don't give it away like cheap trash. Honestly, I once thought that losing your first kiss on your first date was OK, but now that God has opened my eyes, I want to treasure it and keep it for the man I truly love, the man that God has set apart for me.

I may have lost the kiss once but I've repented and sought forgiveness from the Lord, so I'm gonna do it right the second time. Besides I was young and foolish at that time, thinking that it was "cool" and the "in" thing.
Rubbish!!

Dear God,
Give me the grace and the strength to guard my heart from sexually arousing music and the courage to face the sex-enriched world out there. Help me see that pursuing these things are worthless and foolish and that I'll continue to pursue the things of God. Help me to stay firm on Your scriptures and hold on the Your principles. Give me the strength to resist temptation and keep my purity. I'm sorry Lord for what I've done 4 years ago. I know You have forgiven me and have not held it against me. Thank You, Lord

P.S. Prepare my future life companion so that he'll be the one you have set apart for me and that he will love me regardless of my past. I thank You, God.

The Proposal

2009-08-23T03:18:00.000-07:00

"A few years had gone and come around
We were sitting at our favorite spot in town
And you looked at me, got down on one knee
Took me back to the time we walked down the aisle
Our whole town came and our mamas cried
You said I do and I did too..."

"Mary's Song ( Oh My My My )" - Taylor Swift

" He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said, marry me Juliet
You'll never have to be alone
I love you and thats all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
Its a love story
Baby just say YES!!! "

"Love Story"- Taylor Swift

I feel like crying right now. Gosh, I'm such a hopeless romantic!!!!!
Yes, I am only 17 but I still dream of marriage, okay?
So don't give me that weird stare.

Tagged by Alyssa

2009-08-22T10:03:00.000-07:00

If you're a guy- post this as my kind of girl..
If you're a girl- post it as my kind of boy..

1.Do you need him/her to be good looking?
Gosh, do I look shallow to you?

2. Smart?
Well, he must have the brains to compete with mine ;-)

3. Preferred age?
2-4 years older

4. Preferred height?
180 cm?

5. How about sense of humour?
Obviously! He has to make me laugh ;)

6. How about piercings?
Guys with piercings? NO!!!

7. Accepts you for who you are?
YES, even when I wake up in the morning with my hair resembling a lion.

8. Pink hair?
YUCK. I hate pink!

9. Mushy or no?
Romantic?

10. Thin or fat?
Strong enough to sweep me off my feet.

11. Black, Brown or White (skin color)?
As long as he's American or Chinese.

12. Long hair or short hair?
Short.

13. Plastic or metal
Homosapien?

14. Smells good?
He must have his natural scent. Strong perfumes are BIG turn-offs!!

15. Smoker?
STAY. AWAY. FROM. ME.

16. Drinker?
H20, YES. Alcohol, NO.

17. Girl/Boy-next-door type?
Frankly, I don't care.

18. Musically inclined?
As long as he plays ONE instrument.

19. Plays piano?
Nope. He has me for that, I'm an awesome pianist! HA! ;)

20. Plays bass and/or acoustic guitar?
NO. One instrument.

21. Plays violin?
Do I have to keep repeating myself??

22. Sings very well?
I don't really care. As long as he loves "The Beatles".

23. Vain?
NO. Then I'll end up competing with him.

24. With glasses?
YES!! Then we'll make the perfect brainy couple :)

25. With braces?
No thanks. I have my sister for that.

26. Shy type?
Big NO!!! He must be an excellent talker.

27. Rebel or good guy/girl?
Commited Christian??

28. Active or passive?
Active. I'm the passive one ;)

29.Tight or bomb?
HUH??

30. Singer or dancer?
Don't care.

31. Stunner?
With his words and awesome knowledge? then YES.

32. Hip-hop?
STAY. AWAY. FROM. ME.

33. Earrings?
NO!!

34. Mr/Ms. count-my-ex-girlfriends-until-you-drop?
No. I prefer squeaky clean!

35. Dimples?
Don't care.

36. Bookworm?
OBVIOUSLY. I don't like guys who DON'T read.

37. Mr/Ms. love letter?
Yes, a romantic letter writer ;)

38. Playful?
With me? Then HOCKAYS!!

9. Flirt?
With me? Then, absolutely!

40. Poem writer?
A BIG YES!!!!! Did I mention that I'm an awesome poet too?? ;P

41. Serious?
Depends on the situation

42. Campus crush?
NO. I go to college to STUDY and not find my life partner.

43. Painter?
Don't care.

44. Religious?
NO. COMMITED CHRISTIAN!!!!!!!!!

45. Someone who likes to tease people?
Yes. He must be very CUTE in his teasing

46. Computer games geek? Or internet freak?
Don't care.

47. Speaks 20 languages?
Don't care

48. Loyal, faithful?
YES. like DUH!!!

49. Good kisser?
YESSS!! HEE HEE HEE HEE!! I'm a hopeless romantic, remember??

50. Loves children??
Yes, so that we can raise our kids together.

I'M DONE.
TOO LAZY TO TAG ANYONE.
;D

Emo, anybody??

2009-08-19T05:44:00.000-07:00

Seven reasons why I should get a life:

I better stop wishing that my problems would fly away by itself... Seriously, I hate conflicts and confrontation.
I MUST drag my behind to the study table since I'm such a lazy garfield and trials are only less than two weeks away!
I have to tell myself to enjoy the LOVE I'm getting and not think that anybody will betray me. Trust issues, anyone??
I seriously should consider laughing-out-loud-till-I'm-sprawling-on-the-ground a hobby.
I should ignore people who think that they're so self-righteous just because they don't want to "conform" and "be like everyone else". Yes, its good to be yourself and all but could you PLEASE STOP LOOKING DOWN ON OTHER PEOPLE just because they aren't moody and obssessive like you?!?!
I have to get back to my exercises. Been downing on brownies EVERY other DAY! Yet, I still haven't gained weight. YEE-HAA!!
I should watch more 'American Dreams'.

This is the world I live in.

I can't wait to leave this earth and DIE!

Jimmy was his name

2009-08-16T03:23:00.000-07:00

Jimmy was his name
When we walked hand in hand
When everything was perfect
Almost too perfect that
It seemed like a fairytale

Jimmy was his name
When he kissed my cheek
Under the falling leaves
Dancing under the moonlight
Feeling the warmth of his embrace

Jimmy was his name
When he said those three words
Three words that made me twirl in the sky
Three words that made me feel invincible
Almost unstoppable

Jimmy was his name
When he called less and less
When he missed our late-night chats
Causing me to shield my heart
From his spears of hurt and uncertainty

Jimmy was his name
When he broke my heart into a thousand pieces
Ran over it like a tractor
Crushed every single nerve
Leaving me without a heartbeat

Jimmy was his name
When I finally realised that
I was stronger than I thought
That life goes on
More hopeful than it was before

Poet's note : Thank you, Jimmy for inspiring me and making me realise that when you love a person, you just love them with all your heart, you don't expect anything in return. That all you desire is to make the other person happy because you truly and genuinely love them. Thanks again, Jimmy! Hope you have a wonderful life!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

2009-08-14T06:00:00.000-07:00

Endorphins are my best friends.
Not the ones that come in chocolate, but the ones released when you laugh.

Chemistry class was so fun today at school. I salute Mdm. Grace. She's the BEST CHEMISTRY TEACHER EVER!!!! Who knew Chemistry was so super fun??

Today at tuition, I laughed and laughed and laughed. Sometimes I think I'm insane. Because todays Chem tuition was fun yet not that funny but I was laughing my head off, to the point of me crying!!! Ask Hui Zhen and Kasthuri. They'll tell you.

I was laughing because of one word :

"LEMBU".

Yes, that word. All Mr. Zeelen did was say "0.24 lembu" and I laughed so hard the entire session.
Too lazy to elaborate but if I was in class, I would have laughed OUT VERY LOUD, fell to the ground, cried and clutched my stomach in pain.

Call me crazy but I believe in laughter. Go ahead, think I'm mad and conceited cause I DON'T CARE!!!
HAHAHAHA!!!!!

Gosh, I humour myself sometimes.

Summary of my day

2009-08-12T05:11:00.000-07:00

My piano exam was horrible.
Don't ask me how it went 'cause you'll find yourself stuck with a mug of your already-cold espresso with a bored expression on your face hearing me droon about it. I probably won't stop talking till the next morning
So, the wise thing to do is to save yourself!
:P

Deep down I know I have the gift of music 'cause I have a burning passion for it. My mom said that no matter what results I get, what counts is that I play music from my heart and that it comes within me. And I think thats important for a true musician. Cause music without heart is just aimless clanging cymbals!
My parents were awesome. On the way to the hotel, they were psyching me up and encouraging me. Especially me dad.
And although I came out of the exam room and told them EVERYTHING...
They still believed in me.
They still encouraged me.
They assured me that there was gonna be a next time.

Even my BFF was such a sunshine. He called me up just to see if I was OK and not breaking down in "sniffles and mucus". Cheered me up with his humour.
:D

No matter what happens, I'm still a passionate musician. I'm gonna push harder and work harder till I finish my entire course. I will expand my talent for the good of His Kingdom.

Till then!

" Life without music is like H2 without the O"
- Gershwin

My chains are broken

2009-08-11T01:10:00.000-07:00

Dear Carissa,
I wish you could see yourself for who you really are and not whats staring back at you from the mirror. The person inside you is worth so much more than whats in your mind. Yes, everyone has insecurities. Even the most gorgeous pop star will have something bad to say about her appearance, so why be like everyone else and ridicule yourself?
If you don't love yourself, then who will?
So what if you wear dorky glasses and have curves? Celebrate your differences! Maybe you could do something about that glasses but beneath that plastic frame, is the most gorgeous eyes I've ever gazed at. Your sister may be blessed with prettier features than you but can she write a beautiful, heart-warming and inspiring story like you do? Does she have the gift of patience and vast knowledge like you? No! A person is worth so much more than her looks. Its her character and confidence that shines brighter than her looks- and thats the real definition of true beauty.
See inside yourself and use your talents and gifts for the Higher calling God has placed in you. A girl like you can be a shining light to many other people out there. Let your testimony as a Christian shine bright through your life and the way you carry yourself. Love yourself as how God created you to be. You are complete in His sight.
Girl, there may be times that you'll trash yourself with heartbreaking comments because you aren't as beautiful as others, but remember Proverbs 31:30. The total woman who fears God will be praised. Remember that. Don't give up on yourself! Push and strive harder to reach your dreams. Remember, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
Don't be afraid to shine. When you wear something that looks FAB on you, DO NOT TAKE IT OFF!! Read that phrase again. Why make yourself look like trash when you can shine?
Don't be afraid to work that outfit. Be confident and wear it like you own the world. Believe it or not, your confidence will shine so bright that it will overpower the dress.
Finally, be who you are. Don't change yourself to be like everyone else. So what if everybody loves MTV and rap music but you don't? Be true to yourself. If you hate Korean food, then so be it! Don't eat it and pretend that you love it just because everyone does. Pursue your interests and hobbies with a burning passion. When you know that you're trapped in a tricky situation, stand up and speak up for what is right. People will respect you for your principles and beliefs, not the latest Converse on your feet or the most beautiful bracellet on your wrist.
Remember Taylor Swift's words " You are lucky enough to be different from everyone else...don't change to be the same". Remember that you're beautiful, smart, strong, and confident! And that you belong to the Big Boss upstairs. Nothing can separate you from Him. Girl, I'll always LOVE YOU!!!
Shine, my star. Shine ON!

Carissa Morais :D

Random

2009-08-09T02:58:00.000-07:00

Carissa is downing too much Goldilock's Brownies and she better stop.
Carissa must hurry up and go offline shortly.
Carissa must go check out the Beach Boys videos on Bait's blog
:D

Gosh, I wish I didn't have to go to school tomorrow.
The only thing I look forward to is BK classes.

Tagged by Hui Zhen

2009-08-09T01:44:00.000-07:00

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 100 Truths about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged.

WHAT WAS YOUR:
* Last beverage: H2O.
* Last phone call: Morais' Residence
* Last text message: "Ok hold on..." - Josiah
* Last song you listened to: Your Name High - Hillsong
* Last time you cried: 31st July 2009

HAVE YOU EVER:
* Dated someone twice: Nope
* Been cheated on: Nope
* Kissed someone & regretted it: Hmmmm..... Nope.
* Lost someone special: Yeahhh... :(
* Been depressed: DUH!
* Been drunk and threw up: Nope. Please, I've got good moral background

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:
Purple, Blue, Green

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU (2009):
* Made a new friend: Yes, quite a number of people
* Fallen out of love: NOPE.
* Laughed until you cried: YES! almost everyday.
* Met someone who changed you: Absolutely :)
* Found out who your true friends were: Yes, and it feels great to know!
* Found out someone was talking about you: Ooh, even I don't know!
* Kissed anyone on your friend's list: My sister??
* How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Quite a number
* How many kids do you want? : at least 3.
* Do you have any pets: Nope, sadly.
* Do you want to change your name: My name is derived from the Greeks, so its special.

* What did you do for your last birthday: A small surprise by the Selayang-ers. Awesome time we had!
* What time did you wake up today: 10.15. And it feels good
* What were you doing at midnight last night: Watching an awesome Christian movie called 'Fireproof' and chatting with Prof. Higgins at the same time.
* Name something you CANNOT wait for: SPM to be over!
* Last time you saw your Mother: seconds ago
* What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: My ULTRA LAZINESS!!!
* What are you listening to right now: "Supermassive Black Hole " - Muse
* Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: No?
* What's getting on your nerves right now: People breaking my flow
* Most visited webpage: MY BLOG, Fb, iGoogle, YouTube
* Whats your real name: Carissa Mabel Morais
* Nicknames: Cessa, Miss Austen, Cessa-Mae and Cessa-Mo
* Relationship Status: Happily Single!!
* Zodiac sign: Gemini
* Male or female?: Female
* Primary School?: SK St. Mary
* Secondary School?: SMK St. Mary
* High school/college?: HELP UniCo
* Hair colour: black but a bit brown
* Long or short: Short
* Height: 166 cm
* Do you have a crush on someone?: I don't know what my heart is telling me <3
* What do you like about yourself?: My "beautiful smile" and my ability to make friends easily
* Piercings: one on each ear
* Tattoos: No Way!
* Righty or left: Right.

FIRSTS :
* First surgery: NEVER!
* First piercing: when I was three
* First sport you joined: Does reading count?
* First vacation: too long ago to remember
* First pair of trainers: I forgot lah, so long ago.

RIGHT NOW:
* Eating: Yummy Goldilocks brownies from Philipines
* Drinking: H2O
* I'm about to: Bang my head to Planetshakers and burst into a BIG SMILE
* Listening to: " The Victory" - Planetshakers ( I HAVE THE LATEST ALBUM!!! YEEE-HAAA!!! )
* Waiting on: For my BFF to reply my Instant Message :P

YOUR FUTURE:
* Want kids?: YES.
* Get Married?: YES.
* Career?: Writer...psychologist...social anthropologist??

WHICH IS BETTER:
* Lips or eyes: Eyes!
* Hugs or kisses: Hugs..actually I like both!
* Shorter or taller: Taller
* Older or Younger: Older. At least 2-4 years older.
* Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic in a spontaneous way.
* Nice stomach or nice arms: Arms
* Sensitive or loud: 50/50. Balance is the key.
* Hook-up or relationship: Relationship.
* Trouble maker or hesitant: I don't know!

HAVE YOU EVER:
* Kissed a stranger: never
* Drank hard liquor: Nope
* Lost glasses/contacts: Nope
* Sex on first date: NEVER!!! EVER!!!
* Broken someone's heart: Yeah...but it had to be done.
* Been arrested: I'm a good girl ;P
* Turned someone down: Yes.
* Cried when someone died: Nope. I've never experienced loss or grief.
* Fallen for a friend?: Yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
* Yourself: Sometimes.
* Miracles: How can I not?
* Love at first sight: Nope
* Heaven: YES!!
* Santa Claus: EWW... I hate santa claus. He has absolutely nothing to do with CHRISTMAS!
* Kiss on the first date: Nope. I'm very old-fashioned and I've got good principles.
* Angels: They are always watching over me although I can't see them

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
* Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: OOH, I've got loads of gfs, no bfs.
* Did you sing today?: I sing everyday..:P
* Ever cheated on somebody?: No
* If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: My preteen years
* If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: When I was onstage in my phantom glory. It was that one moment that changed my life.
* Are you afraid of falling in love?: No. I'm fearless when it comes to falling in love.

There are 99 Questions overall and this was numbered 100 : finally...i thought tis would never end...=.=

I TAG YOU.
Yes, you! The one reading this right now.

Mabelfudge's checklist :)

2009-08-08T02:15:00.001-07:00

SIX things MUST happen before I can jump up to the sky and say YEEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!

SPM Trial (1 Sept-17 Sept 2009). I guarantee you that after this, I'll probably be the biggest nerd in the whole world. Oh wait, aren't I already one?? :P
Grade 6 practical piano exam (12 August 2009). My former piano teacher said that I've improved tremendously. She gave me a 27/30 for my first piece. Looks like my daily 2-hour practices paid off. :D
Lose another 3 kgs (before 2009 ends). I can finally wear so many of my nice clothes thats been hanging in the closet after shedding all that weight I gained over Christmas. I've even grown fitter( :D )! I can walk all the way from school to Perfection and Bel's house without falling off the ground. ( unlike ahem...ahem...)
Polish my Leadership qualities (before 2010 begins). I know I have it...its in my blood ( thanks, Dad! ) but I just have to learn to sharpen my skills. Oh well, theres an LLS 101 lecturer living in my house so I'm sure I can get some FREE pointers. :P
SIJIL PELAJARAN MALAYSIA 2009!!!!! ( 19 Nov 2009 onwards...). Must I elaborate on this?? GRRRR.....
Complete high school. ( 31st Dec 2009 ) My life would be so awesome after that! I won't feel like a hypocrite anymore and I can finally meet more friends since I'm a loner most of the time in school. :D

Once all these are checked, I can finally breathe a sigh of RELIEF!

And hope that the next chapter of my life will be equally awesome

One summer afternoon

2009-08-04T19:26:00.000-07:00

I looked out of my window
Only to see the sun smiling down at me
Little did I know that its smile turned upside down
Suddenly noticing the gray clouds with their evil grin

Once the bell rung, I rushed out with excitement
An eerie kind of excitement
Making my insides burst into cartwheels
At the anticipation of seeing you

I saw your smile from afar
That beautiful smile of yours
After a meal we walked to the bridge
Shielded by the trees

We talked for what felt like hours
Laughed in the sunshine
I paused and reached up to pull out the pollen
Feeling the softness of your thick black hair

Enjoying the moment
That seemed like a perfect polaroid frame
Hearing the bark of the canine
Laughing as you made faces at it

We walked along the roads
Showered with flowers, my favourite accessory
Talking and noticing each colour and texture
Feeling its softness on my fingertips

We noticed a pair of green eyes staring at us
My heart leaped in excitement
Watching the enigmatic stare of the feline
Feeling your urge to give it a pat

The pink colour of the hibiscus greeted me
Watching your hand as it pointed to the one at the top
Its red stigma sparkling under the sun
Noticing the blend of your fair skin against its petals

Time passes by when you're having fun
As we walked back to the bridge
I noticed the little doraemon in her car
My heart caught in my chest, terrified

We walked back to the bridge
My heart reluctant to leave you
Wishing this moment could last longer
Yet we continued our conversation

You took off your glasses casually
I couldn't help but notice your brown eyes
As they stared back at me
Hoping I could freeze the perfect picture

My heart felt burdened to leave you
Yet time wouldn't stop for us
We embarked on our journey back
Walking side by side

You stopped once we reached the main road
I looked at you as we said our goodbyes
Wishing I didn't have to leave
Wishing that I could rewind every moment we spent together

Walking back to the gates
I could feel your gaze boring into my back
Sure enough, I saw you walking the opposite road
Like a guardian angel, a blanket of protection

I finally reached the gate
Turning back, hoping you were still there
Indeed, you were
Smiling back at me from the crowd of giggling girls

I smiled back, waving my last wave
And entered the gates
Watching you as you made your way back
Feeling a smile forming in my lips

A beautiful friendship we shared
Probably one of the most significant in this world
Remembering the moment at the bridge
Wishing it would never end

-Inspired by and dedicated to my BFF :D -

Hmmm...

2009-08-04T02:19:00.000-07:00

"And then you're on your very first date and he's got a car...and you're feeling like flying... And your mom is waiting up, and you're thinking he's the one, and you're dancing around your room till the night ends..."
"Fifteen"- Taylor Swift

Nerve-wrecking.
*DOOPDOOP*
And the heartbeat accelerates.

I OVERCAME MY FEARS...

How I wish I could rewind the moment...
Sigh
:D

Blush...

2009-08-03T06:24:00.000-07:00

"Walking the streets with you and your worn-out jeans, I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be...laughing on a park bench thinking to myself, hey isn't this easy?"
"You Belong With Me"- Taylor Swift

I am most probably going to experience this moment anytime.
*DOOPDOOP*
Thats my heart beating faster and faster.

I don't know what to do.

Oh wait, you've got no idea what I'm talking about!
:D

Could this be...

2009-08-02T06:49:00.000-07:00

My 14th attempt on a love poem...

Could this be the moment
When the rainbow forms in the sky
And you cup my face with your hands
Bringing me closer
As we hear the choir sing
And the turtledoves fly in the air

Could this be the moment
When the sky breaks into thunder
And you lift me off the grass
Spin me in circles
Drenched in the rain
Like waterfall from the sky

Could this be the moment
When the crimson leaves fall
And you strum the guitar
Watching your eyes sparkle
As the cool breeze blows softly
Into our very own dream

Could this be the moment
When the snowflakes fall
And we hold on tight
Warming in our embrace
Watching the second star to the right
Paint every moment of you and me

Date written: 2 August 2009
Time written: 9.35 pm

Only Hope

2009-07-31T05:00:00.000-07:00

I

NEED

A

BREAK.

Dear God,

Give me strength to go through each day as I walk through hardships and tribulations.
Bring in people who will build me up and encourage me in my faith. Help me see the brighter side of life and enable me to consecrate myself to You. Shield me from temptation and lazyness.
Help me count every blessing You have given me and help me see that I am complete in Your sight and that I live for you alone and no one else.
Teach me, O God to be kind to people around me that I may reflect Your love and compassion to those around me.
Forgive me, Lord for the times I neglected Your word and the fellowship of believers. Grant me strength to meditate on Your word and rely on You totally.
Fill my mind and heart with Your peace.

I Love You.

Carissa.

Hey...somebody

2009-07-31T04:31:00.000-07:00

"Hey Stephen, I've been holding back this feeling
So I got some things to say to you
I've seen it all, so I thought
But I never seen nobody shine the way you do

The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name
Its beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change
Hey Stephen, why are people always leaving?
I think you and I should stay the same..."

"Hey Stephen" - Taylor Swift

How I wish I could change Stephen to something else...

Burned out

2009-07-27T03:07:00.000-07:00

Since I’m so stressed out with so much prefectorial paper work, school magazine work and the pressure of my upcoming piano exam and trial exam and BK Oral Quiz, do I have the right to break down and cry? Plus, theres rumours going around about me which are not true but I’m not affected by it much because its not serious yet ( Thank God the other person involved is such an angel! ).

You know what, it feels good to cry and let everything out.

People are disappointed with me because of my performance. Pn. Parimalah is not happy with me and I feel BAD. Because she’s been so gracious and kind to me and doesn’t scold me for making mistakes with the minutes and my “discipline record” plus, she hushed up my “breaking-the-major-school-rule” issue when I thought I was gonna get into serious trouble for my stupid, stupid mistake which not only will cause me trouble and shame but to my sister cause I had to drag her down with me.

I’m such a worthless pig.

Then I have to complete my tons and tons of Ed board work and I don’t want to let Pn. Inthirani and Weijean down cause of my major workload and tons of editing. I’ve got my piano exam coming in two weeks and high chances I’ll fail after being assessed by my former piano teacher because I found out that what I’ve learnt from my current piano teacher was all wrong!!!!! So my former piano told me to practice for TWO HOURS A DAY!!!!!!

And I stay back everyday after school for activities and have tuition after that. Where do I have time to fit in TWO HOURS????????????????

Arggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then theres my STUDIES. My studies have screeched to a halt because of my work load and piano exam preparation.
I am such an ungrateful, bad attitude, spiteful teenager who is so lazy and heartless.
I hate myself sometimes.

Wake up, Carissa!

2009-07-25T04:15:00.000-07:00

I am gonna work harder, push harder and cry harder till I make it.
People may think I'm insane but hey, who isn't?
I will prove my piano teacher wrong.
I will prove my school teachers wrong.

I WILL PROVE MYSELF WRONG.

I am a survivor and I'm gonna make it!

Even if I have to shed tears and blood till I get there.