Only Hope

I

NEED

A

BREAK.


Dear God,

Give me strength to go through each day as I walk through hardships and tribulations.
Bring in people who will build me up and encourage me in my faith. Help me see the brighter side of life and enable me to consecrate myself to You. Shield me from temptation and lazyness.
Help me count every blessing You have given me and help me see that I am complete in Your sight and that I live for you alone and no one else.
Teach me, O God to be kind to people around me that I may reflect Your love and compassion to those around me.
Forgive me, Lord for the times I neglected Your word and the fellowship of believers. Grant me strength to meditate on Your word and rely on You totally.
Fill my mind and heart with Your peace.

I Love You.

Carissa.

Hey...somebody

"Hey Stephen, I've been holding back this feeling
So I got some things to say to you
I've seen it all, so I thought
But I never seen nobody shine the way you do

The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name
Its beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change
Hey Stephen, why are people always leaving?
I think you and I should stay the same..."

"Hey Stephen" - Taylor Swift

How I wish I could change Stephen to something else...

Burned out

Since I’m so stressed out with so much prefectorial paper work, school magazine work and the pressure of my upcoming piano exam and trial exam and BK Oral Quiz, do I have the right to break down and cry? Plus, theres rumours going around about me which are not true but I’m not affected by it much because its not serious yet ( Thank God the other person involved is such an angel! ).

You know what, it feels good to cry and let everything out.

People are disappointed with me because of my performance. Pn. Parimalah is not happy with me and I feel BAD. Because she’s been so gracious and kind to me and doesn’t scold me for making mistakes with the minutes and my “discipline record” plus, she hushed up my “breaking-the-major-school-rule” issue when I thought I was gonna get into serious trouble for my stupid, stupid mistake which not only will cause me trouble and shame but to my sister cause I had to drag her down with me.

I’m such a worthless pig.

Then I have to complete my tons and tons of Ed board work and I don’t want to let Pn. Inthirani and Weijean down cause of my major workload and tons of editing. I’ve got my piano exam coming in two weeks and high chances I’ll fail after being assessed by my former piano teacher because I found out that what I’ve learnt from my current piano teacher was all wrong!!!!! So my former piano told me to practice for TWO HOURS A DAY!!!!!!

And I stay back everyday after school for activities and have tuition after that. Where do I have time to fit in TWO HOURS????????????????

Arggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then theres my STUDIES. My studies have screeched to a halt because of my work load and piano exam preparation.
I am such an ungrateful, bad attitude, spiteful teenager who is so lazy and heartless.
I hate myself sometimes.

Wake up, Carissa!

I am gonna work harder, push harder and cry harder till I make it.
People may think I'm insane but hey, who isn't?
I will prove my piano teacher wrong.
I will prove my school teachers wrong.

I WILL PROVE MYSELF WRONG.

I am a survivor and I'm gonna make it!

Even if I have to shed tears and blood till I get there.

Loner Blues...

Life as a loner is so nice.
You're free to hang-out with whoever.
You don't have to show your loyalty to anybody.
You have close but not too close friends.

People won't blurt your secrets because they don't know.
People don't really care if you're alive 'cause you don't care either.
People won't betray you 'cause they get their insecurities off someone else.
People are selfish nowadays, so why bother??


Life as a loner can sometimes be lonely.
You wish you had a best friend who shares your secrets, cries with you when you watch sappy movies, pinch you when your crush walks by and creates secret handshakes and pinky promises.
You wish that irritating people would stop asking "Why so emo??" when you're not.
You wish that that there was at least someone who cared.

YAY ME!

Our ( my) song

" Our song is the slamming screen door,
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window,
When we're on the phone, and you talk real slow,
'Cause its late and your mama don't know.
Our Song is the way you laugh
The first date man, I didn't kiss her when I should have,
And when I got home, 'fore I said 'Amen',
Asking God if He could play it again.."

"Our Song" - Taylor Swift

Charged guilty for the green phrase.

Weird Impersonations and screaming girls

The weekend has been great.
Especially during youth fellowship when we played the "Pass-the-ball" game ( or the naked Pooh :P ) and all the girls were shrieking ( including me) and all of a sudden, Josiah screamed like a girl which almost made me deaf cause I was right next to him!
I liked the way Alison and Thomas impersonated people ( as a forfeit). I think we played almost four rounds and by the end of the game, my throat was already sore.

This is what you get when you have a sporting Pastor!
FUN, FUN, and an occasional step on the head :P

Today after church, we went for a tea party at Judith's place. I think if I ever had a best friend, it would probably be someone like Judith. She's always free with her hugs and I love her for who she is.

43 days to trial and I'm feeling a little jittery.
God save me!