Sometimes I have to tell myself that I should not fit in and stand out from the crowd but do you know that it gets lonely after a while?
Yesterday after church I was sitting at my place, alone, and was looking at the rest of the youths who were talking and hugging each other and a thought came to me :
" You were once like that. You once had friends that cared about your well-being and was always generous with hugs. You were once like that..."
But because of reasons, those friends aren't there anymore and I don't get to see them all the time. Although I try my best to gel in Selayang, but looks like I can't. When I compare it to KD, I see that I made the effort to make friends and they made an effort to get to know me. And within three months, we blended well and became close. But here in this new place, I try to make friends and socialize but its not happening the other way round. One word, SUPERFICIAL.
Yea, yea. They do talk but you can see the clique-ish-ness. Even during youth cell. Yea, its fun and all but it wasn't like KD when you had someone to laugh about with. Now, its like I'm there yet I'm not there.
The only thing I look forward in Selayang is the jam sessions on Saturday mornings. Firstly, my attention is fully occupied with the bass guitar and secondly, music is saturated in my head that I can't hear anyone who talks to me. Thats the privelege of being an auditory person.
I keep telling myself that Selayang is somewhere I will not dwell in for long. Maybe thats why I should keep a distance because once I'm fully independant, I can worship wherever I want. But still, I like being with people because I'm a people-person and I like knowing people's personalities and interests because being a writer, I incorporate a lot of my experiences with people in my writings. So meeting new people is kinda my thing.
Well, it won't be soon before long.
If Selayang is where God wants me to be in then so be it.
Looks like I've got to do that alone.
Although my heart is in another place.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Left Out and Trying to shield
Posted by Mabelfudge at 12:59 AM
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2 comments:
Sorry to hear that. We'll do more to know you then. I ain't an expert in sociology but what I know is that it takes time for a human to settle and adapt to his/her new environment. How long depends on the individual. It took me almost a year to adapt in college life. But I see you're hanging around and talking with the gals so I'm sure you'll do find. Give yourself some time. Mazal tov.
i know how you feel,carissa.I feel it too.even after years being in selayang.haha..coz i feel like i m being in the shadows of my sister last time.but time will change things around.hehe.its always like dat when its hard to adapt to a new environment and new ppl.we are glad having u.cheers! :)
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