Only Hope

I

NEED

A

BREAK.


Dear God,

Give me strength to go through each day as I walk through hardships and tribulations.
Bring in people who will build me up and encourage me in my faith. Help me see the brighter side of life and enable me to consecrate myself to You. Shield me from temptation and lazyness.
Help me count every blessing You have given me and help me see that I am complete in Your sight and that I live for you alone and no one else.
Teach me, O God to be kind to people around me that I may reflect Your love and compassion to those around me.
Forgive me, Lord for the times I neglected Your word and the fellowship of believers. Grant me strength to meditate on Your word and rely on You totally.
Fill my mind and heart with Your peace.

I Love You.

Carissa.

Hey...somebody

"Hey Stephen, I've been holding back this feeling
So I got some things to say to you
I've seen it all, so I thought
But I never seen nobody shine the way you do

The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name
Its beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change
Hey Stephen, why are people always leaving?
I think you and I should stay the same..."

"Hey Stephen" - Taylor Swift

How I wish I could change Stephen to something else...

Burned out

Since I’m so stressed out with so much prefectorial paper work, school magazine work and the pressure of my upcoming piano exam and trial exam and BK Oral Quiz, do I have the right to break down and cry? Plus, theres rumours going around about me which are not true but I’m not affected by it much because its not serious yet ( Thank God the other person involved is such an angel! ).

You know what, it feels good to cry and let everything out.

People are disappointed with me because of my performance. Pn. Parimalah is not happy with me and I feel BAD. Because she’s been so gracious and kind to me and doesn’t scold me for making mistakes with the minutes and my “discipline record” plus, she hushed up my “breaking-the-major-school-rule” issue when I thought I was gonna get into serious trouble for my stupid, stupid mistake which not only will cause me trouble and shame but to my sister cause I had to drag her down with me.

I’m such a worthless pig.

Then I have to complete my tons and tons of Ed board work and I don’t want to let Pn. Inthirani and Weijean down cause of my major workload and tons of editing. I’ve got my piano exam coming in two weeks and high chances I’ll fail after being assessed by my former piano teacher because I found out that what I’ve learnt from my current piano teacher was all wrong!!!!! So my former piano told me to practice for TWO HOURS A DAY!!!!!!

And I stay back everyday after school for activities and have tuition after that. Where do I have time to fit in TWO HOURS????????????????

Arggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then theres my STUDIES. My studies have screeched to a halt because of my work load and piano exam preparation.
I am such an ungrateful, bad attitude, spiteful teenager who is so lazy and heartless.
I hate myself sometimes.

Wake up, Carissa!

I am gonna work harder, push harder and cry harder till I make it.
People may think I'm insane but hey, who isn't?
I will prove my piano teacher wrong.
I will prove my school teachers wrong.

I WILL PROVE MYSELF WRONG.

I am a survivor and I'm gonna make it!

Even if I have to shed tears and blood till I get there.

Loner Blues...

Life as a loner is so nice.
You're free to hang-out with whoever.
You don't have to show your loyalty to anybody.
You have close but not too close friends.

People won't blurt your secrets because they don't know.
People don't really care if you're alive 'cause you don't care either.
People won't betray you 'cause they get their insecurities off someone else.
People are selfish nowadays, so why bother??


Life as a loner can sometimes be lonely.
You wish you had a best friend who shares your secrets, cries with you when you watch sappy movies, pinch you when your crush walks by and creates secret handshakes and pinky promises.
You wish that irritating people would stop asking "Why so emo??" when you're not.
You wish that that there was at least someone who cared.

YAY ME!

Our ( my) song

" Our song is the slamming screen door,
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window,
When we're on the phone, and you talk real slow,
'Cause its late and your mama don't know.
Our Song is the way you laugh
The first date man, I didn't kiss her when I should have,
And when I got home, 'fore I said 'Amen',
Asking God if He could play it again.."

"Our Song" - Taylor Swift

Charged guilty for the green phrase.

Weird Impersonations and screaming girls

The weekend has been great.
Especially during youth fellowship when we played the "Pass-the-ball" game ( or the naked Pooh :P ) and all the girls were shrieking ( including me) and all of a sudden, Josiah screamed like a girl which almost made me deaf cause I was right next to him!
I liked the way Alison and Thomas impersonated people ( as a forfeit). I think we played almost four rounds and by the end of the game, my throat was already sore.

This is what you get when you have a sporting Pastor!
FUN, FUN, and an occasional step on the head :P

Today after church, we went for a tea party at Judith's place. I think if I ever had a best friend, it would probably be someone like Judith. She's always free with her hugs and I love her for who she is.

43 days to trial and I'm feeling a little jittery.
God save me!

An epistle is....

I've been addicted to two songs right now.

"Hey Stephen" by Taylor Swift
and
"Without You" by Hinder.

Actually, I LOVE all the Taylor Swift songs ( Most of you know I'm one of her mega diehard fanS! HEHE :P ).

I've grown to like Joshua (Ching). At first we used to tease him a lot because he had this little habit of touching girls subtly when he talks to them. HAHAHAHA. Its probably subconscious to him because he's quite a relational person (unlike his brother! :P ). Usually relational people like touch. The other word for it is kinesthetic.

I was really sick today at church (read my Facebook status) and he was the one joking around with me and I don't know if he was trying to cheer me up, but well, he did. At first he was being "worried" that he might get my sickness but after that he started talking to me and quoting lines from "Mind Your Language" ( its what we Selayang-ers like to do! )

Yea, he's a nice person. Sometimes he's the only person I talk to in church cause the rest are usually busy.

Its nice when someone comes and talks to you.
Makes you feel better (especially when you're sick. )

Prefect Defenders!

Carissa enjoyed herself today. Twice!
First was prefects' gathering and at YF.

I really enjoyed the Prefects' Gathering firstly because our group, Cappella, consisted of really cool people and we got to know each other so well and gelled together as a team. There was Jeremy ( our group leader. Awesome fella! :P ), Szi Yee, Pei Ling, me, Majid, Syiza,Fiona, Tharannia and Bhageran.

Wish I could post the photo of Majid modelling as the Statue of Liberty. We did a really great job in designing the outfit using newspapers and straws.

Today in YF we learnt about self defence from Uncle David Christopher. It was awesome. I was quite amazed at U Wyn who had good physical coordination and endurance. Sharma was mostly drama-ing around and the rest of us were trying hard to memorize the steps.

Should have brought my camera!
Maybe the next youth programme ( Gunung Ledang! HAHA ) I'll be able to snap some shots.
:P

Summary of the Day

Don't you think that for once, its nice to do something different?

Today during Girl Guides meeting, we had a tent-setting competition and we got third place! ( yay! ). Its was really fun because we were mostly teasing Sri because she was so semangat to go for NS cause she got chosen ( fyi, I didn't get chose for NS. Sad....) but she's such a primadonna. Hehe, good for you, Sri!

One thing I wish was that people didn't have to be so overly particular about things. Something happened in class today and I was a little nonchalant about it first but when I thought about it further, I wished that people could learn to communicate clearly with one another.

At least less problems will be created and less energy used to fight!

Oh well, gotta blast.
Can't wait for Bio class.
LOVE BIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Deciding what we want : pan mee!!!

Carissa is currently craving Pan Mee!!!!!
HUH, when do I not?

I like how Ben Stein put it in his words "The indispensable first step to getting what you want it this : decide what you want".

Its true, come to think of it. Cause I have noticed people lately (one of my hobbies is noticing and observing humans - that is why I'm considering psychology after Form 5) is that so many of us have lost the zest in life.

Most because everything is like a routine to us.

Just think about it. How many of you actually love life right now? If you do, then cheers! May God enrich the life you are enjoying now. But to those who don't?

I seriously recommend that writing down what we want is the first step.

For instance, myself. I don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing now. But when I wrote down what I wanted, WHAM!

Some things started to make sense.

Decide what you want. Its like being indecisive for a bowl of curry pan mee and soup pan mee (forgive my pan mee cravings, I'm addicted to them). So much time is wasted trying to decide between the two. But when you've already decided what you wanted and go ahead with it, you've suddenly revved up energy and determination to have it.

Of course I'm using pan mee as an analogy and not literally lah.

Like when I wrote down the things I wanted, three of them was:

1. Scoring 10As in my SPM


2. Getting a distinction for my Grade 6 piano exam


3. Pan Mee

You can ignore the third one. But about the first two, I've realised that I've got more motivation to study and add extra 20 minutes to my normal piano practise time...which somehow is motivating me to go further and push harder.

Of course the journey is going to get tough and there are times you wish you could just lie down and roast in bed and do nothing. No harm in doing that! Just don't lose focus and do it too much ( I'm guilty of that! Heh! )

Gosh, I'm sure I must have bored you with all this. Oh well, take it or leave it. Sometimes, I've gotta blog about it to actually believe it.

I'm craving for PAN MEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!

"Friends" - What a joke!

Sometimes I feel like as though I'm forgotten. I don't know why but its a negative feeling I get when I find out that people whom I'm friends with know a certain thing that I don't and they don't share it with me.

Instead they laugh about it and make it as though its an exclusive inside joke although I'm very close to them and we've been good friends. I mean, yeah... I know that its their wish if they want to share but when you're close friends with that person, it just hurts.
Its funny that most girls at my age are so concerned about improving their appearance and hoping that they're appealing to the opposite sex, but all I wish is that I have true friends.

People who don't use you just to vent out their problems ( Yeah ,I know that I'm blessed with good listening skills ) and people who sometimes have the decency to include you when they're all giddy about a certain joke and not leave you out.

When will I ever make peace with the subject of friendship?
Its getting tiring lah.

Love - Hallucinated?

Sometimes I wish I could tell you how much I feel about you because you're the first thing on my mind every morning and the last before I go to bed.
Is what I'm feeling right?
Because I wish that somehow you knew how I felt but you live far, far away and you don't even exist except in my head and on paper....

Gosh, I'm really living in my own world since I've been hallucinating these past few days.
Mr. Whoever-you-are, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I can't even believe I don't have a name for my protagonist.
Yes, I'm weird so you have full permission not to continue reading my blog.

Notification

Yes, this is my new link.
For those who have it, good for you.
For those who DON'T have it, then too bad.

Gosh, I'm so mean!