Notes

Happiness has finally invaded my life.
Finally!

I can't wait to go to ConePizza tommorow with my classmates. A pizza in a cone...interesting.
Thank God that this friday is a holiday, at least I can catch up with my revision and finish up my moral project.

I didn't fail my Bio paper! Yesss!!!! From 33%, I shot up to 52%. Although its still low, but at least I improved, right? I also shot up in my Maths. From 50%, I shot up to 60%. Too bad I went down on my Physics. Oh well, almost 1/2 of the Form Five Science population failed their Physics. And I beat one of the school's top scorer! I heard she failed hers.
I didn't fail!!!!

Gosh, I'm so bad. Ha!

Can't wait for Bio class later. Homeostasis.... not as interesting as what's coming up next!
Okay, now I'm being sick.

Gotta blast!

No turning back

You know what, I decided to turn my back from all this.
I'm stronger, better, more outspoken and straight forward.
I will not let people rub their feet on me.

I don't care if many think that I have 'changed'.
I don't care if you hate my opinions and critisms.
I don't care if you hate me as a person.

Plus, now that I'm a nomad, I can be a little more self-centred than always trying to accomodate people. I can do whatever ,whenever and hang-out with whoever I want!

When I have a problem and have no one to talk to, I will always have my pen and paper. I will always have the word of God and I will always have my mommy!!!

I will always have my two best cousins and my sister ( at least these are the people who truly love me! ). I will always have my poems and my writings.

At least people won't bother me and take advantage of me anymore.
I'll be more peacefull and I'll be happier.

I'll be a better person.

Hard-core : blah..blah..i don't care!

Sometimes I think to myself.
Why do I care so much about people when they don't give a hoot about me?

Why do I be their friend and share their friendship but get thrown away when something goes wrong?

Why do I have to be treated this way?

I feel people should appreciate me MORE!. There, I said it. I stand by them, listen to their problems with undivided attention, share their tears and laughter. But when something goes wrong and the issue is confronted, they think that their stupid opinions are right and the friendship just dies off like that.

But why do I feel the brunt of the hurt?
Why do I let myself be treated this way?
Why do I let people take advantage of me?
Why do I even care if I have a best friend anymore.

I hate the term 'best friend' anyway.
I'd rather be a nomad and mix around.
In another word, A LONER but with casual friends

At least I don't risk getting my heart broken.

Bye-bye, Carissa.
Everybodys best friend and pillow whom everybody loves taking advantage of!

I'm stronger, assertive and will be more outspoken. Too bad if I have an arrogant streak.
Oh well, nobody cares right???

Stupid, shallow, evil world we live in.

A note

Dear Carissa,

Thanks a lot for being this way. Thanks for ruining your friendship with Tarveendar, thanks for not being in control of your emotions, thanks for giving in to your sister's anger and always getting on her nerves, thanks for disappointing your parents! You're the best.
Heck.
I wish you could just use your God-given brains and think a little bit more. At least your grades won't be slipping, your spiritual life won't be going down the drain and you could be a more proactive and initiative person around the house! Thanks for being such a klutz and for screwing up everything! Thanks for making a fool of yourself in front of people and thanks for being a hypocrite! Just because you're a prefect, doesn't make you perfect! Please, you will never be.
Why can't you just shut that gigantic mouth of yours and learn to listen more?? Just because you look up to your dad so much, doesn't mean you have to be exactly like him! You are your own person, can't you think for yourself???
Who are you trying to kid, man?
What's wrong with you, huh?

You're on the road to destruction, so be careful.
If you don't buck up, you can say bye bye to all your dreams and success that you have dreamt once a long time ago, when you were a good person!! Cause your life is gonna get worse if you don't buck up!

Don't live a lie, ok?
God is watching YOU.

From,
Carissa.

Looks can kill your imagination!

Movies can really destroy your imagination!
It's so "stress gile" (as Sonia will say) to see something or someone that really destroys the image printed in your mind.

Take Mr. Darcy, for example. When I read P&P ( too lazy to spell it out), I really imagined him to be tall and super handsome, with dark hair and dark eyes. Then the movie adaptation came out and I was like "Aww man! This ain't Mr. Darcy!". He was so penyakit-looking and had hunched shoulders, ugh! I didn't like it.

Then came Narnia, the second installation. When I read Prince Caspian, I imagined him to be a young 12-year-old ( who, mind you, had no sort of romance with anyone! ) with Joshua Ching's height and you know, kiddish. The movie came out and he was hot! I was like "WHY???????????????????????????". It totally killed my imagination. ( Although my sister didn't think so, cause she fell in LOVE with Ben Barnes at first sight!)
The worse part, "Prince Caspian" had to just fall for Susan. EEEIIISHHH!!!

But the worst would have to be Twilight. Rob Pattinson is so not hot! And I repeat, SO NOT HOT!!!! I imagined Edward Cullen to be super hot and utterly handsome because thats how Meyer potrayed him to be.
And when I saw that joker's face on the screen, I was like, EWWWWWW....
I don't understand why you girls especially love Twilight so much!
Firstly, its lame and it potrays the weakness of women
" Oh I can't live without him" and all those nonsense!!
No offence, but I'm not much of a romantic.

My ideal date would probably be reading in an enchanted garden with my beloved or composing pieces of literature on the beach with my beloved
Ha, I guess thats just me.

Don't know where I'm gonna find a guy like that!
Which is why I think I'll probably die an old maid.

HAHA, anyway. I give you a tip.
Read the book before you watch the movie, explore what your mind can do.

:P

Passing the baton

I finally beat a guy at something!
In your face, Josiah!!!

Its the 21st century, women are stronger now.
So just accept it lah, okay?

Well, I'm just amazed at myself that I'm physically stronger.
*whistles to self*

BOO-YAH!!!


Oh well, I had a great weekend. It was Sri's birthday and my mom's, so you see, I practically blew off on my diet! It was great to catch up with my pals after so long and they were like, " We read your blog, why so emo??"
And I just blushed.

Then I went off to church - in my school uniform, :( - and Sharma started teasing me cause I'm a prefect and he was all " sampah masyarakat" and "anjing". Oh well, I couldn't care less.

Then my dad took us all out for dinner and had caramel cheesecake.
Yummm....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MA!
LOVE YOU LOADS HEAPS!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SRI!!!
LOVE YOU LOADS, TOO!

I'm still so perasan over the beating-the-guy-in-something issue.
Let me tell you, the feeling is GREAT!!

Is there friendship out there for me?

You know what I miss the most?
Having a tight group of friends.

Like four to five people whom you hang-out with, share your ups and downs, friends you can sleepover with and gossip about boys [ I'm not that shallow, but I'm still a girl lah, ok?]

I browse through people's blogs and facebook profiles and I see the same faces in so many photos. Then this bullet of disappointment just shoots down my stomach and I suddenly realise that I'm on my own!

I am not a loner, I am a nomad. A nomad is someone who shifts from here to there and doesn't have a specific group of friends. A loner is someone who is always by him/herself. I like being alone but its nice when you've got your best buddies to share your life with. I'm not clique-ish but being a nomad kinda gets lonely after a while.

Sometimes I look at some cliques at my school, usually during reccess, and I see so much laughter and its as though their super close sisters. And I feel like theres no place I belong.

Then I come up with this conclusion that maybe I'm destined to be alone.
That I don't have to 'belong' and be 'in' but just be my own person. That maybe being alone will do me good. Since I always have a notebook and pen with me, well then that will be my 'close friend'.

I like this quote from Taylor Swift " It's making yourself happy with your life that will attract people. If you don't seem lonely, that's when someone is going to want you".

No doubt. I love my life! Really. You can see it from my face. But its gets lonely when you don't have people who [ for sure know will be there with you through thick and thin]


I have tons and tons and tons of friends. Church friends, school friends, other mutual friends but no one actually is close to me. Just touch base, that kinda thing. What I want and wish I had was close friendships.

Sometimes I have to pinch myself for having such clique-ish thoughts. But is it wrong to think about it once in a while? I hope not.


Oh well, I hope I find some close friends in college.
Once I close the fourth chapter of my life.


"There are 'friends' who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother"
Proverbs 18:24

Random

I lost 3 kg.
And I'm so happy!

Five more to go...

Too lazy to come up with a title!

I seriously don't know what to blog about.

Then I'll just point form whatever thats been happening the past week:

1. School rules are getting more pathetic. Seriously! I shall not elaborate on this since there'll be some nosy St. Marians who might print out my post and before you know it, I'll be the most hated person in St. Mary.
2. I got whacked on the face ( TWICE! ) by Josiah today during Youth Cell while we were playing ball. My nose started 'shivering' in a way and I was indirectly tearing.
3. Sharma suddenly loves bullying me. Too bad I'm laughing out loud too much to care! ( hehehe :P )
4. My prefect workload is getting heavier and heavier. Sometimes I wish I could drop eveything and be a normal student.
5. I'm so happy that I'm finally studying for my SPM. Inspired by Hou Chuin...
6. I think someone just asked me out *flattered smile*
7. My life is suddenly full of laughter and I want it to remain that way. I laugh A LOT in school and especially in Youth Cell. Right after, Sharma teases me AGAIN!
8. Neermala, please get well soon!
9. I'm so sad to say that a Wickham is knocking on my door and I'm trying my best not to let him in.
10. I love my life!