The meow from the exit

"Sigh...lots of dishes to wash! Thank God many people are out on holiday, if not I don't know if I can finish this pile!"
Meow.
Meow.
Did I just hear that? Nah, I'm probably dreaming.
Meow.
Meow.
OK, I better check it out that noise since I'm such a cat-lover. Who knows maybe it isn't Shammah going wild??
Walk two steps. Out of the kitchen and reach back exit staircase.
GASP!!!!
OMG, what a cute little cat! *smile* held by another cute person *ahem*
SO CUTE!!!!!
"See who I found", you smile at me, holding him.
So I walk towards you and go on to touch the little fella while you sit down at the steps.
In silence, we stroke its fur and found out it was a male cat.
Behind me, I hear a camera snap.
Oh...Shammah at it again. Probably will appear on facebook then the whole world will start teasing again. *rolls eyes*
Silence, I don't know what to say.
Been dreaming about this moment for quite some time.
Just enjoy it.
3...
2...
1...


:-)

2010 - yoohooo!!!

It feels great to be back on my feet! Thank God that I decided to let Him take the wheel of my life. Since I'm not living my life as how it should be, I might as well give God a chance, right?

I'm all excited for 2010. Although I'm still looking and enquiring for part-time jobs, I will not let that rob me of a good 3 months of learning, growing and maturing before I head off to HELP for my foundation course (I think its confirmed already though I'm still praying about it) probably in April/May. According to my dad, college life is really going to question my beliefs and my principles, if I'm not careful, I might fall into the "mold" and be highly influenced by the "party-like-a-rockstar" lifestyle and the "if-you've-got-it-flaunt-it" lifestyle.

Although I'm a girl, I still might accidently place my eyes on something too revealing since I heard that girls in HELP have not enough fabric on their body (if you get what I mean). Gosh, I don't know how some girls have the guts to dress up so trashy and skimpy. Its seriously dispicable (no offense!)

Anyway, back to my point. I'm really excited to go for more Scripture Union camps, leadership camps, youth conferences and writer's camps. Its gonna be awesome! Plus, to really get involve in church activities and other projects. Like the upcoming plans of the Lifehouse skit for Easter.

Wow, and more baking! Yay! Finally I can go back to perfecting my cookies and pies that I haven't touched the whole year because of the dreaded exam. And of course, DRIVING LESSONS!! Though I'm not so hot for it yet. That can wait :-)

RANDOM: Gosh, I need some watermelons.


I've got so many books to read and lots of stories to write. I've been writing my Peter Pan fan-fics and hoping for more inspiration for short stories. I can finally go back to being "Miss Austen".

But most of all, I want my spiritual life to build up. The Lord has been doing great things in my life and I've learnt so many lessons throughout this whole year. I yearn to see more of His glory and experience His everlasting love because that's the only love that can satisfy the longing on my heart. I will make the most of my single life serving the Lord and others, hopefully without entanglements.

Blessed New Year, everyone!

"Watching the snow falling to the ground, the little girl beams excitedly while watching the ice rink on full swing with skaters and children making snow angels. Downstairs, the scrumptious aroma of chocolate chip cookies greet her pink little nose. Inhaling the wonderful scent, she looks up into the baby blue sky...
Thank you Lord, for this awesome day.
I LOVE YOU..."

Blessed Christmas, everyone!
Enjoy all the blessings the Lord has blessed you with and have a great 2010 ahead!!

:-)

smile bright!

Just for Kicks

A few pictures that brought smiles on my face:


The multi-racial, happy and jolly family I once had :-)

Two and a half men?

L-R: Shammah, Samuel ( poking in between), Josiah

Three pretty people and the nerd in green. Always the odd one out!

L-R: PING, Joanna, me, Alie

Franklin Morais's two pretty ladies and his nerdy disciple ;-)

L-R: me, Mom, Rachel

RANDOM: I'm not in the mood for pan mee.

Pillows, anyone??

I've lost inspiration to write.

I've lost interest in reading.

I've lost the mood to talk to cheery-cheery people cause right now I'm very emo-emo.

All I do is just house work so my thoughts will be far away.

All I do is stare at the cold morning and wait for the sun to rise.

All I do is hear no sound. Just the stillness of the moment.

All I do is just rely and wait on God.

My heart has frozen up, leaving me without emotion.

When I look at pictures of apple pies, tears fill up my eyes.

When I browse through old photos, my heart cracks.

When I hear songs from the 60s, my mind dies.

Yet in quietness, I seek the Lord because I know He will give me rest.

Yet in obedience, I will still surrender my heart to God because He is greater than my heart.


"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light"
Matthew 11:28-30



I miss You.

The Oozing Ache

Two individuals, very much in love with each other but because now isn't the right time for a union, they have decided to wait. Which means;

1. Less contact with one another
2. Treating each other as brothers and sisters in Christ
3. Waiting on the Lord
4. Persistent prayer
5. Dying to self

Number 1 is the hardest, Number 2 is somewhat OK, Number 5 is the killer.

Questions like these run in my head: What if we're destined for one another? What if God has someone else for us? What if God is calling us to live a single life? What if others are not open to a mixed-race union? What if this union isn't the Lord's will?

Again and again, Galatians 2:20 strikes me hard on the head with a thwonk!

GOD IS IN CONTROL. That's where number 3 and 4 and 5, come into the picture. On the other hand, there are these bunch of feelings that want to take control and somehow tries to persuade you to "follow your heart" and dive into a relationship when your brain is clearly screaming at you to wait and to do the right thing.

"The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing" - Joshua Harris

Still, its HARD! Sometimes I just want to get on my knees and cry out loud to the Lord, "God, WHY??????????" and then rip up all my poems that I have delicately written about this young man and throw them away from my sight. For the life of me, I can't seem to figure out my affections toward this young man, for I can't comprehend the thought of a life without him. Oh how my tears flow in the melancholy idea!!

Yet, the Lord, in His grace, will continue to comfort us as we ponder on this issue because we know we're not alone. I'm sure he's feeling the same way about it too and is probably more worried about how the future will turn out, he being a thinker and me having all kinds of emotions since I'm such a feeler. Sighhhh...

Okay then. Looks like theres no conclusion in this matter for now, so I'll just leave this matter hanging and continue to wait on the Lord.

Love is patient. So wait, cessa!! :-)

A Message To A Lady

The LORD speaks in a quiet and gentle manner,
"Draw close to me,
Let Me strengthen you with My right hand,
Though you walk in a world of iniquity,
you shall not fall,
For I will take your hand and walk with you,
And whisper words of truth and love into your ear

For I have created you a woman,
Fearfully and wondefully made,
For I carved your curves, your hair, your breasts,
Skillfully in secret because I saw you first,
Be in a quiet and gentle spirit,
That is precious in My sight,,
And serve me as how I have shaped you

My beloved woman,
You can never comprehend,
How wide, how deep and how great
My love is for you
Love Me, Serve Me, Follow Me."


taken from my quiet time, 17th Dec 2009, 11.25 pm.

Sneak Peek

Backstage photos from the Christmas event.
"Joy to the world!!!"



L-R: Eugene, Jason, Josiah, me, PING, Rachel, Joshua, Shawn

L-R: Eugene, Jason, Joanna, me, Shawn, Joshua, Rach, PING, Alie

More to come!

Stepping on sand

Sometimes, you've got to keep reminding where you stand on certain issues because they affect your life. Its rather difficult to repress your feelings especially if it concerns the matters of the heart. So, I seem to have strong feelings for this young man. What do I do?
One question I have to keep answering time and time again.

I've tried to keep this question out of the blog because I was afraid people would talk. Well, since its out in the open, I guess it defeats the purpose to hide it anymore, right? Well, I won't be very open yet I'll still be a little open. *confused smile*

I have trouble repressing my feelings. There are days I wish I could confront it straight in the face and say, "Look here, missy. I'm in control, not you!". Because I control my feelings, not the other way round.
Then it hit me.
God is in control. Not me.
"...it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me..." - Gal 2:20


Well, I know there will be days when the feelings will grab a hold on me, but I know God will come through for me. Well, my dad said that God is way higher than my feelings. I'm guilty of placing such high importance on my moods and feelings, probably because I'm a feeler but I the world doesn't revolve around my feelings, so I'm just being so self-absorbed.
And that's not good.


Love is not a feeling, rather a sacrifice and a commitment. I know that God will one day give me a godly affection for this young man and that's when I'll know that I'm ready for a relationship because I finally understand. So, I'll continue to wait on the Lord and continue praying persistently, plus enjoy my single life cause its a gift from the Lord and grow in my relationship with my family and friends.

God will give me the strength to overcome my feelings because I know He'll be there beside me.
I just have to trust in Him.
-True love WAITS! - <3



"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres..."
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 -

To that person who loves using profanities on MY SISTER and dedicates her blog in commenting about MY SISTER, firstly, I want to tell you to move on and get a life!

What's done has been done and stop moping about how fabulous you are compared to MY SISTER because you are just insecure.

Nobody messes with MY SISTER.
You want to mess with her, then MESS with me.

I'm getting sick and tired of hearing MY SISTER being bad mouth-ed online and to the whole world. So what if she's pretty and confident???


Do me a favour??
FORGET THE PAST AND MOVE ON!


Thanks.

:-)

His name is Peter

I'm now reading "Prince Caspian", the fourth book from 'The Chronicles of Narnia'. Just started it last night when I came back after an awesome time with the Pan Mee fellas. The people present were Eugene, Josiah, Joshua, U Shen, U Wyn, Xing Guo, Alie, Sheralyn, Ping, Naveena and her sister and Rach. (did I miss out anyone??).

Anyway, back to Narnia. My favourite character will probably be Peter. He's a born leader and knows how to handle irritating siblings ( like Edmund. Can't that guy learn to watch his tongue??). This is something I have to learn from Peter. Being nice to my sibling cause I can be such a meanie to my sister. Plus, he carefully weighs his decisions before acting on them and is humble enough to seek wisdom and guidance from Aslan. Another thing I need to learn cause I can come across as arrogant and a know-it-all. And he's brave to fight the White Witch until Aslan came to his aid. Oh yeah, and the Wolf also (which was his first battle).

The only exception is that Walden Media kind of destroyed my image of Peter. To a certain degree, I'll say that William Moseley is decent enough to play 'Peter', yet he wasn't what I "saw" in my imagination while reading Narnia. Oh well, James McAvoy really fitted my image of Mr. Tumnus, so I guess Walden Media did a good job on him too.

Now that SPM is over ( YIPPPEEEE!!!!!) I can finally sip a mug of Milo and get lost in the world of Narnia. Oh yeah, and re-create Peter Pan.

Gosh, whats with me and the name 'Peter'???


Note : I'm not going to waste 2 hours of my life watching "New Moon", so don't bother inviting me for it. ( This is my arrogant self speaking! hehehe).

Youth and age, O what a vast difference!

I love this poem by Shakespeare.

"Crabbed age and youth cannot live together"
( From "The Passionate Pilgrim, XII" )

CRABBED age and youth cannot live together
Youth is full of pleasure, age is full of care;
Youth like summer morn, age like winter weather;
Youth like summer brave, age like winter bare;
Youth is full of sport, age's breath is short;
Youth is nimble, age is lame;
Youth is hot and bold, age is weak and cold;
Youth is wild, age is tame.
Age, I do abhor thee, youth, I do adore thee;
O! my love, my love is young:
Age, I do defy thee: O! sweet shepherd, hie thee,
For methinks thou stay'st too long.


Sometimes I wish you just would listen and understand how I feel. But you love to force your ideologies and theologies while I'm still speaking. Give me a chance.. Understand why I feel the way I feel. So much for psychology masters, huh?

Beauty That Surpasses All...

"Open your eyes, my child and see the beauty around you...Savour every moment before it fades like a lost memory..."



Up till today, I'm still thanking my dad for buying our house in Templer. The atmosphere really suits my personality. Every morning the mist appears and I'll be up either praying or writing and just watching the mist dance around the mountains. Early mornings are lovely in my area. Especially when I visit the two Thumbelinas and look for cats around my house, it has a little therapeutic effect on me.

My dad has really did up the garden although he's stopped for a while because of work. The front view of our house is really nice, now that all the weeds and monitor lizards ( EWW!!!) have been cleared. Even the house looks better with the new curtains.

Oh yeah, for those of you wondering who are the two Thumbelinas, here's a picture of them. Do you know why I love them?? Firstly, one is my favourite colour (the purple) and secondly... can you picture a baby girl that is a size of a woman's thumb sleeping in the flower? If you don't, then looks like I'm very imaginative. And thats good. I think.

Here's the reddish-pink one. Beautiful...

This is my favourite. The best among all the flowers in my house. I LOVE THE PURPLE. Its awesome. Everytime I see her, I feel so happy. I don't know why.
;-)

"For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land; The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape, give a good smell. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away..."

Song Of Solomon 2:11-12

And so it bleeds...

Words cannot form
This burning pain
Scraping against the wounds
of my heart
Broken


Soothe it the rain could never
By no means of thought
Logic sleeps but the heart wakes
Groping blindly in the increasing
Silence


Idiot mouths speak
Worthless venom of speech
That our charity wrong
Immensely my heart
Hurts


Yet still I hear you singing
in the distance forming
A smile on my face
Of your assuring voice bringing
Hope


In your embrace my heart rests
My soul secured to the One above
A slow healing, a bandage wrapped
Bring forth
Peace

The Apple of Youth

C.S. Lewis is truly another author that has inspired me besides Jane Austen. I was in my sister's room the other day looking for my scissors that SHE BORROWED AND DID NOT RETURN and came across 'The Chronicles of Narnia' sitting on top of her CD player. I read the first three books two years ago but couldn't continue because of PMR. Then forgot about it until that day.

Despite SPM still going on, I took the book and started reading "The Magician's Nephew". Oh my, I was whisked into a world so beautiful that my imagination was flying off and I felt it was also a learning journey for me to explore how Lewis writes and improve mine as well. Narnia was born out of nothing. Pure Darkness until Aslan sang Narnia into life.

I just finished the first book when my handphone started playing "Remembering You" by Steven Curtis Chapman from 'The Chronicles of Narnia OST'. Just the right time. I've been having so many fresh ideas in my head (and heart) to start writing again so I prepared a special notebook for ideas and random sprinkles of inspiration that I now carry with me wherever I go until SPM is over so I can finally organize my thoughts and work the pen and paper. I really miss writing.

I still miss the nights and 4.00 ams I would spend writing under my Daffy Duck lampstand because my dad doesn't allow us to be up in such uncivilized hours. I also remember the steaming hot chocolate I would carry into my room before I started writing for the next 4 hours. I was such an active writer until SPM knocked on my door.

I can't wait to write my next masterpiece and hopefully continue Peter and Wendy's adventures together in saving Neverland from the evil Captain Hook and see Peter blush over Tiger Lily *miss that moment*

Wouldn't it be nice to write in a place like this??

Rubbish-ing!

No wonder God made us to have two ears and one mouth. My mouth gets me into trouble so I've decided to SHUT UP and talk when its really really necessary. Seriously. I detest myself sometimes for my big mouth.

Yesterday night I exploded. I screamed, cried and shouted into my towel on my bed. Dramatic, right? Thats the result of having pent-up feelings. Something I need to renounce.

I have finally found inspiration to write a story after 8 whole months since Peter Pan. I wonder how he's doing with Wendy and the Lost boys???


I wrote my first sonnet last friday. AWESOMEness...


Twilight is stupid. As well as New Moon and the rest.. What a bad way to potray "LOVE". Pfft!!!!!!


Tomorrow...I'm still thinking if I should have Pan Mee for lunch with the gang or go off alone to eat chicken rice by myself. Someone help me??

I don't know what to blog about so I'm just rubbish-ing some random stuff...


CARISSA...
GET..
A..
LIFE...

And Goliath approaches...

The day has finally come. Surprisingly I'm not at all scared and I don't feel stirred reading my friends's FB's and blogs of how scared they are. Seriously, its just another exam. With the exception that you're sitting for it in an exam hall that makes you sweat more than usual since the place where you're sitting is so far away from the fan and your papers are marked all around the country and your results can sometimes depend on the mood or emotional state of the examiners and if you fail, YOU DIE!!
Haha. Lame. *cough*

But I'm geared for it. People are praying for me and I've been praying since last year. And of course, I've been studying. I can finally look at SPM in the eye and say, "Bring it on, you scumbag!!". Sorry for my drama. Its what I do best. *dazzling smile*

Anyway, ALL THE BEST for all you SPM-ers. If you studied, good. If you didn't, God bless you.
Just look at it this way, FREEDOM is coming... are you ready for it???

Dear Jane and other ramblings

Yesterday night as I was studying, I came across my journal. I call her Jane (on acount of Jane Austen) and as I opened it and read everything that happened throughout 2009, I was amazed at how far I've come this year. My journal had almost everything: Body issues, back-bitting friends, a secret crush (that isn't so secret anymore, though I still wish it was), family conflicts, skyrocketing schoolwork, the pressure to "keep up an image", and fantasies of a writer.

I haven't written to Jane in four months seeing that my last entry date was 15 August 2009. So yesterday, I picked up my pen and started writing. Though I didn't write all the things that happened in the space of four months (yes, A LOT of things happened) but I will eventually.

Writing, for me, is therapeutic. Its like all the solutions to my problems are all in my mind and I just have to organise every data and pour it out on paper and POOF!! The solution appears and my troubles are gone. And I didn't need to confide in anyone. But there are times that I need a second person's input so that I'm not being destructive or whatever. Plus, writing helps me see a different perspective. And I release my emotions a lot.

Thats why I've been writing so many poems and sonnets! Yes, even sonnets!
Writing helps me to also come to terms with myself. Helps me forgive myself and understand why I feel the way I feel. Though there are times that I really can't understand myself.

No wonder I think I'm a weird person.
Cause I don't know of anyone else who feels this way. Okay, except Weijean. She probably understands.

"Tonight I can write the saddest lines

Write, for example,

The night is starry and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings...''

Pablo Neruda - Tonight I can write -


"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say"
~Anaïs Nin

Emotional Thinkers

Its annoying when people insist that you're emo but actually you're not. I don't know if you get what I mean, but here's a typical situation:

Human : Eh cessa, why so emo wan??
Me : Who said? I'm not lah
Human: Then what's with the face?
Me: What face? I'm just thinking
Human: OOHH.. Emo lah
Me: No, not emo lah. *sighs to indicate that person to shut it*
Human : Ahh.. then I leave you alone.
Me : Thanks. *finally!*

Human walks away.

See??

I don't blame these clueless people but there are times that you just want to sit and be alone. And mind you, I love being alone. Though having people isn't so bad after all. Some of my friends sometimes find it so hard to relate to me because I'll be all happy and super hyper one minute and then quiet and withdrawn the next.
And no, I'm not suffering a psychological disease.
At least according to my dad ;-)

Silence is golden. * I can almost anticipate Mr. Higgins humming already*

So next time you see a person being emo, just smile. If they smile back, good. Then you can try to start a conversation. But if they stare at you murderously, STAY AWAY!!

At least thats applied in my case

:-)

HHRS: This is for YOU

Friendship was when you believed in me even when I did not believe in myself.

Its gonna take a long, long, long time till we reach this stage but hey, throw me a challenge? I'm up for it! I won't stop believing and hoping.
Love comes softly. After all, its not an emotion. Its a commitment and sacrifice.
So I'm sacrificing my feelings.
Too bad the world doesn't see it that way.

St. Mary - a school to remember

So it looks like my days in St. Mary's are over. This whole week was basically a time to remember all the great times and not-so-great times I had these past five years in St. Mary. I still remember stepping in to St. Mary, a quiet loner who was more interested in her writings than being somebody. But after five years, I've emerged a more confident and outspoken person, more outgoing and have developed good leadership skills. I didn't know I was capable of leadership.

But nevertheless, I'm a still a loner. Yet, I've had great people who walked in and out during these five years and have taught me that friendship is not always sweet. You have to work to keep the friendship alive. Like you're protecting and tending a flower.





St. Mary really moulded me into who I am today. Though I'll be honest that there were some things I didn't quite agree with the school, I guess nobody's perfect lah. So thank God I managed to kept myself from having a black mark.

I am proud of St. Mary and I want St. Mary to be proud of me

Cookie plans...yummy!!

I've decided to rethink my life. After doing the S-H-A-P-E during CLDP 301, these are the gifts that I discovered about myself :

1. Counseling
2. Leadership
3. Miracles

The three primary gifts and somehow, I think 1 and 2 are true but I'm not too sure of 3. Miracles??? WOW!!

So thats why I was thinking a lot and I discovered that instead of wasting these gifts and talents away...I should do something about it.

I'm still praying if I should take Psychology. I feel led to do so but I'll still pray and seek the Lord about it. Once SPM is over, I hope I can go for more camps to sharpen my leadership skills and build character. Though I'm hoping that SUFES will have the writer's camp again next year seeing as I have to miss this year's due to SPM ;-(

I can't wait for college cause I want to be invloved in extra-curricular activites like how I was very involved in school. Indeed, St. Mary has shaped me to be capable of leadership responsibilities and I think that college will be a good platform to maximise my talents.

Looks like I'll be a super busy person once next year rolls on.

I don't know why people think its a joke that I want to work in Famous Amos. I LOVE COOKIES!!!! Even if I have to assemble them and sell them, it doesn't matter because its the love for cookies that counts. ( you should try my choco chip cookies, they're excellent! ;-P )

8 days left to SPM.

I CAN'T WAIT!!

Music comes Alive

My sister is such a darling!
You know why?? YOU KNOW WHY???? *forgive me for being so excited*
She fixed my piano music box.
Thats why.

My mom gave it to me last time and I used to play it whenever I wrote poems or short stories. All I had to do was open the lid and "Fur Elise" - Beethoven would play.
Then one day, this little girl (I won't tell you who she is cause many of you know her) came into my room when I was at school and played with it. And broke it. So it sat on my shelf for one whole year and I didn't know what to do with it.

Today, my SISTA found it and with her engineer brain, fixed it and it played beautifully. My sister is good at fixing things. Once she fixed our car's tail lights and our remote control.
That part she inherited from my mother's side of the family tree.



I added the hair brush for an old-fashioned romantic effect. My beloved music box!!!

If I had money, I would buy a cello music box that played "The Swan" - by Saint Saens. My second favourite composer. And I would buy a dancing ballerina music box that plays "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" - by Tchaikovsky.

Those two songs are my favourite classical songs.

Its so romantic and it allows my mind to dream the impossible.

THANK YOU, CHELLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Going Solo

I've been solo for 2 years...
Probably will be for the next 6 years...

Enjoy your single life...

Do the things God wants you to do, whatever He has placed in your heart...

Have as many friends as you can...

Travel around the world...

Expand your creativity and knowledge...

Life is great. When you're single.

The second last week of High School

I've got one week left in St. Mary.
How time has flown by. Yesterday during school leavers' service, I was still marvelling that God gave me the boldness to share my testimony to the entire school.
Wow.
:-)

So, I decided that I'm gonna eat all my favourite foods from the canteen for the next one week since all I eat in the canteen is just "buah-buahan".
Healthy option ;-)

Class party is next week. I'll try to post some pictures....wow.
My last class party.


*sobs*
*sobs again*

Thank God I'm a loner. At least the pain of separation isn't that bad. But I'm gonna miss my classmates. They're great friends.

I still remember the time in Form 4 when they dared me to shut up for a week since I'm such a noisy freak. I didn't make it.
My personality is so phlegmatic-melancholic yet I have a sanguine side. I haven't discovered my choleric side yet.

One more week in ST. MARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pan Mee in Black

Another beautiful picture of the Pan Mee Fellas. Somehow we all have toothy smiles!!
Except the Teh brothers..
:-)

L-R (Top): Rachel, Alie, Josiah, U Shen (Paul), U Wyn (David) and Xing Guo (Thomas)
L-R (Bottom): Patricia, Adie, Joanna, me, Shammah, PING, Sheralyn

The only people missing : Jess Kan, Joshua, Jason and Eugene ( dunno where those two fellas went!)

I wonder whats the colour theme next week.
If it was pink, I would really LOVE to see how Josiah and Shammah would look like!
HAHAHA!
:-)

Another burst of anger

Gosh, I feel so good now.

When you really need to say something thats been bothering your spirit, just say it out. At least I'm not like SOME bloggers who use obscene language and cheapen their dignity! At least I take it out reasonably. Sighh...enough of that.


HMMMMMMM....I've got nothing to say already. Said whatever I had to say.

Never pass up an opportunity to keep quiet so as to avoid putting your foot into your mouth!
GRRRRR...

Sabar, cessa. SABAR...

A burst of anger

I'm not going to be bothered if people talk about us anymore. We're just friends, so what's the big deal? If people want to go ahead and sin by gossipping and spreading gossip, they are answerable to God. If people are jealous because we share a beautiful friendship, then that's they're problem. I've decided not to care about what people think about us already. If they want to spread rumours and dwell in their shallow opinions and conclusions, then I don't give a hoot.

For those of you who hate reading emo posts, then why bother reading my blog??

I apologize for my harsh anger, but its what I feel right now.

Sabar, cessa. SABAR..........

*inhale exhale*

Walk away

I'm walking away from hurt...
I'm walking away from past sins and shame...

I'm walking away from my thoughts...
I'm walking away from the longing I feel...
I'm walking away from the world...

I'm walking towards The One who Created the Heavens and the Earth...

Yup, thats where I'm going...




"Dear God, why am I feeling the way I'm feeling right now?"
" Its OK, honey. Come to Me."
"Will everything be alright? Will I be okay??"
"Trust me, child. You will be."

"Let not our longing for one another slay our appetite for living"
- Jim Elliot

Mindless-ness

Lets see my schedule this weekend:

1. Overnight Prayer in school - Friday : Tongues of fire!!!!! AMEN!
2. Youth prayer - Saturday : I hope I'll be able to make it seeing that I'll be in school
3. Worship practice - Saturday : FUN, FUN, FUN. =)
4. Prefect's Farewell Party - Saturday : Hmmmmmm..... oh well, it IS my last year so I'll just go!
5. Church - Sunday: AWEsome!!
6. Christmas Presentation practice : Double AWEsome!!!

Then, I'm back to school.

Wow, its almost November.

SPM....come to me!!! I can't wait to slap you on the face!

HA!

* so lame!*

:-)

A Steadfast Love

I would give anything...
Just to see you smile...
Just to hear your laugh...
Just to listen to your voice again...
Just to look into your eyes...

I will keep on believing...
That there are greater things in store for us...
That it was by no accident that you walked into my life...
That we will have a future together...
A bright and beautiful one forever...

I should in the mean time...
Wait on the Lord...
Have faith in Him...
Continue to pray for you...
And love you even more...

People can stand in between you and me...
People can keep me from looking at you...
People can speak unbelief into my mind...
But one thing's for sure...
People cannot stop my heart that beats for you...

I will wait for the right time...
Love is Patient...
I will continue to persevere...
Love hopes and believes all things...
Love never fails...

Thirsty

This is the Word I received from the Lord today, October 25th 2009, 11:10 am during service in FGA Selayang:

John 6:35

"Then Jesus declared, " I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me will never go hungry, and he who believes in Me will never be thirsty."



"Dear Lord, I desperately thirst for You. In this dry and barren land where trials and temptations surround me, I want to drink the living water from You. Only You can fill this empty space in My heart..."

A second chance

Right now I'm reading "Persuasion" by Jane Austen. Its a really good book ( of course it is! All Austen's books are amazing! ).

Its about having a second chance at love. The story tells of Anne Elliot who was persuaded by a friend to break off her engagement to ambitious, naval officer Frederick Wentworth - a man whom she loved passionately - because he was poor. After eight years, he returns to her life as a successful captain but is still smarting from the rejection and heartbreak....
I won't tell you the rest of the story.

"There, he had learnt to distinguish between the steadiness of principle and the obstinacy of self-will, between the darings of heedlessness and the resolution of a collected mind. There he had seen everything to exalt in his estimation the woman he had lost; and there begun to deplore the pride, the folly, the madness of resentment, which had kept him from trying to regain her when thrown in his way..."

What I've learnt from this book:

LOVE IS PATIENT.

Stress - tears and sweat (blood included!)

Gosh, my brain is gonna give way.
I've been studying past midnight almost everyday.
Including Physics since I've got no choice T_T

27 more days of hard labour..
9 days of exam...

Then I'm FREEEE!!!!!
Till then, I'm a walking zombie. Don't ask me why I have eye bags and why my hair is frizzing all over the place!

No wonder my hair has been falling off. At least I know its not the Maggi Mee.
:-)








SIGHHH... I guess this last picture SUMS it all up..




GRRR!!!

One letter

Dear Carissa,

Just CHILL, ok? Yes, I know SPM is 29 days away but if you sit and groan about how you wish a giant meteor could struck the earth so you don't have to sit for it, its NOT gonna happen. So instead of moping around, just open those reference books and get your nose into your books!!

Its not too late. You still have 29 days of intensive studying.
Its not the end of the world. I know everybody is counting on you and your parents are so hyper about scholarships, just forget about them for this time being, ok? You study hard, do your best and make God proud.

Yes, most of your friends are such brainiacs but you don't have to compare yourself with them. You're a strong person, you have scored straight As before, so you see?? ITS POSSIBLE!!!

Right now, just focus. Forget the world. Forget your problems. Forget that negative voice in your head. Just motivate yourself. Study hard. Be diligent. And reap the benefits later on, okay?

YOU CAN DO IT!!

From,
Carissa

P.S. Smile!!

BAHHHHH!!!!!

What is wrong with me???

Shouldn't I be more thankful?

Stupid, stupid girl!

I don't know what I want...

So don't ask me...

Cause I'm still trying to figure it out myself...

Sigh...

I wish I knew the sign boards to the road I'm walking on

But I'm just walking...

Pan Mee Family

PAN MEE posers = Green Sunday + More madness



My pan mee sisters!! L-R :Joanna, Alie, Adeline, Me, Sheralyn, Jess ( below)

Pretty people...

Green goblins?? Joshua and Samuel

What a happy happy family of Pan Mee lovers...

Oi ping, you didn't even offer your pau!

Two gays and a pretty girl...hmmmmmm...

L-R: Josiah, Adeline, Shammah

Beautiful.. L-R: Ping, Jess, Pat, Joanna, Alie, Adeline, Sheralyn, Cynthia

below - Manju, me

L-R: Andrew, Joshua, Adeline, Manju, Josiah, Sheralyn, Cynthia, Samuel.

Samuel - syok sendiri, Alie and Joanna - supposedly dancing, Jason and his big smile, Eugene ( Mr. BLUR..)

Told you I had great friends!!

:-)

Diwali fever??

Tomorrow is gonna be a great day.

First up, I've got open house at Sarves, then Dano's and the last, Lisa's house. I'm so glad that I can hang-out with my classmates after school hours. All of them are gonna look so gorgeous and pretty without all the school rules. ( HEHEHE, I sound like a rebel ). Plus, my sister has been shipped off to my grandparent's. :-)

I'm just gonna eat eat eat eat eat and enjoy myself before I hibernate in my room to continue my studying. I can't wait to take photos. I might post it up here if I'm hardworking. Or not, check my Facebook and you'll see it there.

After that, I'm heading off to church. Too bad I can't have lunch with the Pan Mee fellas but oh well, theres always Sunday!! I wonder whats the colour theme this week. Last Sunday, everyone looked so pure and innocent in white. The sunday before that, we wore blue and everyone looked so calm... But the best was the Hari Raya week when we wore red and took pictures.
SIGHHHH...Beautiful memories..


Can't wait for tomorrow.
I've got such great friends.
Wouldn't trade them for the world!!

:-)

L.O.V.E

What do you do when you have...


A pair of forbidden lovers...

A bridge over the calm waters...

And the Bible... ??????

I think I would write a book about the greatest love story ever.

HAHA!

;-)

Espresso drips?

*GULP*

5 more weeks...

11 subjects...

Dear God, PLEASE HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love Bio because...

How am I gonna promote Biology to all the Form 3 students tomorrow???

Firstly, I'm so honoured that my teacher chose me. I guess its because I really put in a lot of effort to study and score well in my trials, thats why she chose me :-)
And I don't have much of a problem speaking in front of crowds.

I'm not trying to praise myself or anything, but I'm really honoured to be chosen to promote the subject I love. Won't you feel the same way too??

The only problem is that I'm stuck and I don't know what to say. How do I start my talk? How will I make it interesting that the Form 3s will like it?

Why do I love BIO?? I guess I'll start with that.
Then move on from there.

After all, the study of Biology opens my mind to wonder how on earth God could come up with such things as homosapiens, autotrophs and genetic variations?
Its a wonder really.
Indeed, what an awesome and mighty God we serve!!

Hymns and Spiritual songs

My spiritual walk with the Lord has really gone up a new level. Everyday when I have my quiet time, theres always a passage of scripture that will strike me and I know its from the Lord because its so relevant in my life. Because of this new relationship I have with Him, my worship experiences in church have been more meaningful.
Yesterday, after the service, a hymn popped into my head.

"Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" - the chorus part kept playing over and over.
And I felt this wonderful peace. I just wept a bit on my seat. I couldn't help it.




Almost as peaceful as a Rose Garden. If ever I could spend a whole day by myself, it would be in a garden full of roses where I can write my masterpieces and just talk to God like how I would talk to a friend. Well, I hope I'll find this place instead of always seeing it in my dreams. And if I find this place, the first person I'll bring to this place would be ...... "you-know-who". *wink*




I'm trusting the Lord for so many things right now. Firstly, its my career. Deep inside I know I'm called to be a writer. Its just that I don't know how I'm going to get there. My parents are so enthusiastic about me going overseas and getting a scholarship. Its just I don't know if I'll have the grades to match that standard. Plus, part of me wants to go overseas, the other part just wants to stay here.

Its okay, the Lord is sovereign. Its not for me to know the times and seasons that the Lord has put in His authority. ( Acts 1:7). So I'll continue to trust in Him.

I still wonder and worry about the future, but I know that my future is sealed in HIs hands.

Its gonna take a whole bucket of faith.

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus,

Look full in His wonderful face,

And the things of the earth will grow strangely dim,

In the light of His glory and grace..."

Helen H. Lemmel, 1922.

21 drumsticks??

If only I brought my camera today to capture that "touching" moment. He confessed that he felt like crying...AWWWW....
Hope you loved the drumsticks and card from the PAN MEE GANG.

We love you too, Shammah!
:-)

Happy 21st birthday. Keep drumming for Christ and keep smiling.

Just don't burp lah, okay??

:-)

Our praise and all we are today..

This song has been stuck in my head the whole day.





"Take it all" - Hillsong United.

How I wish I was part of this concert!
:-)

BRRR...

I don't want to put myself down. I'm not a player. I just happen to a romantic, okay? So why does this thought keep bugging me? I feel so degraded. Its me. I'm degrading myself. Gosh, I hate emo-ing on my blog but I just can't help it! Why can't life just be a little peaceful for once?
Dear God, why do I feel this way?
Why can't I be assured that I am a child of God and that I don't have to give in to these thoughts.
Dear God, I need your help.
I feel like crying.
I'm already tearing in the inside but I need Your stength to be strong. I have to be strong.

I'm not a worthless person. I'm not. I'm not.
My mind is telling me that I am.


I'm gonna explode.

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Wait

I stood at the bridge, watching the peaceful flow of the river. My insides burst in anticipation, awaiting his arrival. I glanced down at my big black Bible, feeling every corner and exhaling slowly.
" Dear God, please calm the storm in me. I can't chicken out now"
I breathed in the fresh air and looked at my watch once more.
1.33 pm.
Hearing the sound of foot steps, I glanced sharply to the left, hoping it was him. Nope, it wasn't. I gave a small smile to the passer-by then looked back at the river, the trees and the beautiful flowers that decorated the scenery.
A beautiful Thursday afternoon. A Thursday afternoon that would probably bring about cherished memories and happy smiles. As much as my nerves killed the walls of my stomach, I had to be strong. After all, it was just my best friend, wasn't it? Whats so fearsome about that?
Exhaling slowly for the last time, I looked to my left toward the stairs that led to the bridge.
He was there.
The gymnastics in my stomach accelerated even more.
Then he smiled.


-to be continued-

An excerpt from my devotions

"I am the Lord's servant," said Mary; "may it happen to me as you have said." And the angel left her.
Luke 1:38

Then He said to them all, " If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me".
Luke 9:23



" Lord, Your strength is a tower
The righteous run into
Lord, Your love is a banner over us
And we hold on to the promise
That Your hold on us is true
There's no other like You,
Jesus

No one like You

Always
Again I say rejoice..."

" Rejoice" - Chris Tomlin.


Dear God, make clear to me Your word. Fill me with Your Spirit.
I LOVE YOU, LORD.
=)

Random

I need chocolate.
DESPERATELY need chocolate.
I need CHOCOLATE.


Sigh, have to study till after midnight!
At least I'll go visit the bridge tomorrow
:-)

''This is my Generation"

I can't wait for the next episode of American Dreams
YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Long Live the Swinging 60s!

:-D

More ramblings...

I can't wait for SPM to be over. Then I can finally go to a quiet place and just listen to the environment. I'm super emo nowadays, its scaring me. I know its not the hormones but its probably my fried brain cause I'm so tired of my mundane life.

I need more colour, don't you think?

I want to go to a place where I can empty all the contents of my mind and live mindless-ly for a while. I have this tendency to think too much and I've got to stop it. I need a chocolate milkshake and more glucose. I need to internalize scripture and speak it out loud so that my ears will ear it.

I need more faith.
I need to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I'm strong. That whatever mood I'm in, things are gonna be okay. I just have to hold on to God and have loads and loads of faith.
I'm not alone, I've got good friends. I've got family. I've got PAN MEE.

Then WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY am I feeling this way??

Sigh, why is life so hard????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

My life is so quiet.
Sometimes I feel like dying.
But theres a spark of hope telling me that
"Everything's gonna be alright"
Just keep holding on
Keep climbing harder
God is with me

I'll keep my head up high
Just look forward and smile
At least I know I'm not alone
I've got my notebook and pen with me
I could write the greatest love story ever written
All I need is inspiration and more hope.

I CAN DO IT!!

Babbles

Service was awesome today. Apart from the incredible worship, the message by Uncle Selvam was equally good too. God will not leave us nor forsake us. I'll say Amen! to that.

Gosh, I feel so lonely. Wish I had someone to talk to. Its been so long since my mom yelled from downstairs to tell me that I have a phone call. Hmmmm...maybe I should proceed with my plan to migrate to the beach then perhaps I'll get more calls. Hehehehehe. Just kidding.

Its true what Mrs. Ganaser said during one Sejarah class back in form 4. "Theres a space in your heart that only God can fill". And I believe that she is so right. Looking back the past two weeks, God had been really great to me and I can see that I'm growing in my faith. Through the YF, BK class, morning prayer at school and the love, friendship and encouragement from the PAN MEE GANG, I have really increased in my faith.

The only thing I'm struggling with now is my studies. SPM is 6 weeks away and I'm so reluctant to drag my behind to the study table and STUDY! Do you know that before every study session, I sit down and pray so that I'll have full concentration? Mind you, it works!

I just completed 75 minutes of Physics. (which is a miracle!)

Oh well, got BM tuition today and have to psych up myself for a week of school because my test results are waiting for me!
Gotta blast!
>.<

-RANDOM- : Its been a while since I had pan mee soup.

Yahoooooooooo!!!!!!

I feel refreshed.
As much as it still hurts, nothing is impossible with God.
God is sovereign.


I'll study hard for the sake of seeing a smile on my grandfather's face and to praise the Lord as well.
I'll push harder and leave everything at His feet.
Nothing is impossible with God.


I won't give up. I will try harder. I will do it for the Lord.
I will have faith.

"And whatever you do, do it heartily as to the Lord and not to men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance, for you serve the Lord Christ"
Colossians 3:23-24

Once Upon A Dream

Once upon a dream
When a young lover sat by the rain
Awaiting her beloved's return
Writing her verses of love
Wishing to be in his arms again

Once upon a dream
When a young lover sat by the mirror
Combing her soft luscious locks
Reminiscing the touch of his hand on each strand of her hair
That glorious evening together

Once upon a dream
When a young lover sat by the moonlight
Closing her eyes, imagining his eyes
of innocent brown
Wishing she could see them again

Once upon a dream
When a young lover sat under the sunshine
Loving the way he smiled at her
Like a thousand gleams of the sun
Wishing she could freeze that beautiful sight

Once upon a dream
When a young lover sat in the cold
Wishing the warm embrace of her beloved
And his soft assurring declarations of love
As she laid on his chest, as he stroked her hair

Once upon a dream
When a young lover smiled under the stars
When it was all just a dream
A perfect dream
Of a happy ever after

A channel of blessing

I think the best way to learn the scriptures is through debates and discussions with one another. During BK class today, we discussed Luke 19 and 20. At first, we read the passage and after that Ms. Sim explains it to us so that we'll get an idea of it. Once that was done, the girls and I started debating and discussing certain passages of scripture that almost took more than an hour. Through this, I've learnt so many things on why Jesus said and did what He did. I'm so inspire to study the Word more.



After our break, we suddenly talked about BGR. It was so unexpected because we were supposed to proceed to Luke 21. Although I won't tell you what we discussed since its P&C, I just felt this deep peace flowing through me, as some of you know that I'm going through a rough time now. Whatever Ms. Sim said really made sense and in my heart I was thanking God because He used Ms. Sim to speak to us, especially to me.


I really enjoyed BK class today because I found a new way to learn scripture. I just wished that the YF would do activities like this because we don't just learn from one another, but we also learn to listen to other people's point of view and in the process, we grow closer.
Its amazing how the Lord can really speak to us through people.

I went to BK with a wounded heart but I came back healed!
Although it will take time, I know God will ressurect the friendship and heal the wounds, so right now I'll just depend on Him and give my whole life to Him.

''Heaven and earth shall pass away; but My words shall not pass away"
Luke 21:33

Answering the Call?

I think I know my calling in life already.
It was there all the while, just that I got distracted with what others wanted and what else I could do.
I'm a writer.

I love writing articles, stories, poems, memoirs, plays and diary entries of make believe people. Especially when Ms. Goh requested for the articles on relationships for the school magazine. While I was working on it, this nice peace just surrounded me and I could almost hear a voice inside telling me "This is what you're made to do".

Gosh, I sound so dramatic.


Plus, I'm quite a passionate person. When I put my heart into something, I give my all and just do it. Although I'm so inspired to write a novel now but I'm telling myself that SPM is just 5 WEEKS AWAY!!!! I wish I could put that same passion into my studies right now.

I imagine a lot. I'm just afraid that if people know my impossible imaginations, they might laugh, ridicule and think I'm crazy. Or like my dad, who thinks that "I'm living in denial".

Wow, my future is too bright.
Am I running away from it?

My phone's been confisticated.
I'm forced to stay away from my best friend.
SPM is just 5 weeks away.

I love my life!

Dear Miss Austen

Jane Austen...



Miss Austen, how I wish you were alive right now.
Cause I really need some good advice.
What everyone else is telling me, I just don't want to hear them.
I wish I knew what you had to say.




GOSH, I'M SERIOUSLY GOING MADDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If only you knew how much I miss you
If only you knew how sad I feel
If only I could just hear your voice again
If only this did not happen

If only I could run into your arms and just cry
If only you were there to wipe my tears and say
"Its OK, my dear. Everything will be OK"
If only we went back to the time when we were good friends


I miss You, Mr. Higgins
I really do
;-)

SLYNG-ers. Pan mee posers??

Last Sunday all of us decided to wear red. (And for the first time, Josiah didn't rotate his shirt! Hahaha). Some photos:


This was really cute. Especially Sharma and Joanna.

One random day at Youth Fellowship. Photo taken by Aunty Fer.

We just had to hide the main POSER.

And suddenly, Samuel became a superstar! HEHEHEHE.

The poser strikes again!

Youth Fellowship is sooooooooooooooooo fun!!!

Although I wished I had a high-tech camera

:P