Beauty That Surpasses All...

"Open your eyes, my child and see the beauty around you...Savour every moment before it fades like a lost memory..."



Up till today, I'm still thanking my dad for buying our house in Templer. The atmosphere really suits my personality. Every morning the mist appears and I'll be up either praying or writing and just watching the mist dance around the mountains. Early mornings are lovely in my area. Especially when I visit the two Thumbelinas and look for cats around my house, it has a little therapeutic effect on me.

My dad has really did up the garden although he's stopped for a while because of work. The front view of our house is really nice, now that all the weeds and monitor lizards ( EWW!!!) have been cleared. Even the house looks better with the new curtains.

Oh yeah, for those of you wondering who are the two Thumbelinas, here's a picture of them. Do you know why I love them?? Firstly, one is my favourite colour (the purple) and secondly... can you picture a baby girl that is a size of a woman's thumb sleeping in the flower? If you don't, then looks like I'm very imaginative. And thats good. I think.

Here's the reddish-pink one. Beautiful...

This is my favourite. The best among all the flowers in my house. I LOVE THE PURPLE. Its awesome. Everytime I see her, I feel so happy. I don't know why.
;-)

"For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone; The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land; The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape, give a good smell. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away..."

Song Of Solomon 2:11-12

And so it bleeds...

Words cannot form
This burning pain
Scraping against the wounds
of my heart
Broken


Soothe it the rain could never
By no means of thought
Logic sleeps but the heart wakes
Groping blindly in the increasing
Silence


Idiot mouths speak
Worthless venom of speech
That our charity wrong
Immensely my heart
Hurts


Yet still I hear you singing
in the distance forming
A smile on my face
Of your assuring voice bringing
Hope


In your embrace my heart rests
My soul secured to the One above
A slow healing, a bandage wrapped
Bring forth
Peace

The Apple of Youth

C.S. Lewis is truly another author that has inspired me besides Jane Austen. I was in my sister's room the other day looking for my scissors that SHE BORROWED AND DID NOT RETURN and came across 'The Chronicles of Narnia' sitting on top of her CD player. I read the first three books two years ago but couldn't continue because of PMR. Then forgot about it until that day.

Despite SPM still going on, I took the book and started reading "The Magician's Nephew". Oh my, I was whisked into a world so beautiful that my imagination was flying off and I felt it was also a learning journey for me to explore how Lewis writes and improve mine as well. Narnia was born out of nothing. Pure Darkness until Aslan sang Narnia into life.

I just finished the first book when my handphone started playing "Remembering You" by Steven Curtis Chapman from 'The Chronicles of Narnia OST'. Just the right time. I've been having so many fresh ideas in my head (and heart) to start writing again so I prepared a special notebook for ideas and random sprinkles of inspiration that I now carry with me wherever I go until SPM is over so I can finally organize my thoughts and work the pen and paper. I really miss writing.

I still miss the nights and 4.00 ams I would spend writing under my Daffy Duck lampstand because my dad doesn't allow us to be up in such uncivilized hours. I also remember the steaming hot chocolate I would carry into my room before I started writing for the next 4 hours. I was such an active writer until SPM knocked on my door.

I can't wait to write my next masterpiece and hopefully continue Peter and Wendy's adventures together in saving Neverland from the evil Captain Hook and see Peter blush over Tiger Lily *miss that moment*

Wouldn't it be nice to write in a place like this??

Rubbish-ing!

No wonder God made us to have two ears and one mouth. My mouth gets me into trouble so I've decided to SHUT UP and talk when its really really necessary. Seriously. I detest myself sometimes for my big mouth.

Yesterday night I exploded. I screamed, cried and shouted into my towel on my bed. Dramatic, right? Thats the result of having pent-up feelings. Something I need to renounce.

I have finally found inspiration to write a story after 8 whole months since Peter Pan. I wonder how he's doing with Wendy and the Lost boys???


I wrote my first sonnet last friday. AWESOMEness...


Twilight is stupid. As well as New Moon and the rest.. What a bad way to potray "LOVE". Pfft!!!!!!


Tomorrow...I'm still thinking if I should have Pan Mee for lunch with the gang or go off alone to eat chicken rice by myself. Someone help me??

I don't know what to blog about so I'm just rubbish-ing some random stuff...


CARISSA...
GET..
A..
LIFE...

And Goliath approaches...

The day has finally come. Surprisingly I'm not at all scared and I don't feel stirred reading my friends's FB's and blogs of how scared they are. Seriously, its just another exam. With the exception that you're sitting for it in an exam hall that makes you sweat more than usual since the place where you're sitting is so far away from the fan and your papers are marked all around the country and your results can sometimes depend on the mood or emotional state of the examiners and if you fail, YOU DIE!!
Haha. Lame. *cough*

But I'm geared for it. People are praying for me and I've been praying since last year. And of course, I've been studying. I can finally look at SPM in the eye and say, "Bring it on, you scumbag!!". Sorry for my drama. Its what I do best. *dazzling smile*

Anyway, ALL THE BEST for all you SPM-ers. If you studied, good. If you didn't, God bless you.
Just look at it this way, FREEDOM is coming... are you ready for it???

Dear Jane and other ramblings

Yesterday night as I was studying, I came across my journal. I call her Jane (on acount of Jane Austen) and as I opened it and read everything that happened throughout 2009, I was amazed at how far I've come this year. My journal had almost everything: Body issues, back-bitting friends, a secret crush (that isn't so secret anymore, though I still wish it was), family conflicts, skyrocketing schoolwork, the pressure to "keep up an image", and fantasies of a writer.

I haven't written to Jane in four months seeing that my last entry date was 15 August 2009. So yesterday, I picked up my pen and started writing. Though I didn't write all the things that happened in the space of four months (yes, A LOT of things happened) but I will eventually.

Writing, for me, is therapeutic. Its like all the solutions to my problems are all in my mind and I just have to organise every data and pour it out on paper and POOF!! The solution appears and my troubles are gone. And I didn't need to confide in anyone. But there are times that I need a second person's input so that I'm not being destructive or whatever. Plus, writing helps me see a different perspective. And I release my emotions a lot.

Thats why I've been writing so many poems and sonnets! Yes, even sonnets!
Writing helps me to also come to terms with myself. Helps me forgive myself and understand why I feel the way I feel. Though there are times that I really can't understand myself.

No wonder I think I'm a weird person.
Cause I don't know of anyone else who feels this way. Okay, except Weijean. She probably understands.

"Tonight I can write the saddest lines

Write, for example,

The night is starry and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings...''

Pablo Neruda - Tonight I can write -


"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say"
~Anaïs Nin

Emotional Thinkers

Its annoying when people insist that you're emo but actually you're not. I don't know if you get what I mean, but here's a typical situation:

Human : Eh cessa, why so emo wan??
Me : Who said? I'm not lah
Human: Then what's with the face?
Me: What face? I'm just thinking
Human: OOHH.. Emo lah
Me: No, not emo lah. *sighs to indicate that person to shut it*
Human : Ahh.. then I leave you alone.
Me : Thanks. *finally!*

Human walks away.

See??

I don't blame these clueless people but there are times that you just want to sit and be alone. And mind you, I love being alone. Though having people isn't so bad after all. Some of my friends sometimes find it so hard to relate to me because I'll be all happy and super hyper one minute and then quiet and withdrawn the next.
And no, I'm not suffering a psychological disease.
At least according to my dad ;-)

Silence is golden. * I can almost anticipate Mr. Higgins humming already*

So next time you see a person being emo, just smile. If they smile back, good. Then you can try to start a conversation. But if they stare at you murderously, STAY AWAY!!

At least thats applied in my case

:-)

HHRS: This is for YOU

Friendship was when you believed in me even when I did not believe in myself.

Its gonna take a long, long, long time till we reach this stage but hey, throw me a challenge? I'm up for it! I won't stop believing and hoping.
Love comes softly. After all, its not an emotion. Its a commitment and sacrifice.
So I'm sacrificing my feelings.
Too bad the world doesn't see it that way.

St. Mary - a school to remember

So it looks like my days in St. Mary's are over. This whole week was basically a time to remember all the great times and not-so-great times I had these past five years in St. Mary. I still remember stepping in to St. Mary, a quiet loner who was more interested in her writings than being somebody. But after five years, I've emerged a more confident and outspoken person, more outgoing and have developed good leadership skills. I didn't know I was capable of leadership.

But nevertheless, I'm a still a loner. Yet, I've had great people who walked in and out during these five years and have taught me that friendship is not always sweet. You have to work to keep the friendship alive. Like you're protecting and tending a flower.





St. Mary really moulded me into who I am today. Though I'll be honest that there were some things I didn't quite agree with the school, I guess nobody's perfect lah. So thank God I managed to kept myself from having a black mark.

I am proud of St. Mary and I want St. Mary to be proud of me

Cookie plans...yummy!!

I've decided to rethink my life. After doing the S-H-A-P-E during CLDP 301, these are the gifts that I discovered about myself :

1. Counseling
2. Leadership
3. Miracles

The three primary gifts and somehow, I think 1 and 2 are true but I'm not too sure of 3. Miracles??? WOW!!

So thats why I was thinking a lot and I discovered that instead of wasting these gifts and talents away...I should do something about it.

I'm still praying if I should take Psychology. I feel led to do so but I'll still pray and seek the Lord about it. Once SPM is over, I hope I can go for more camps to sharpen my leadership skills and build character. Though I'm hoping that SUFES will have the writer's camp again next year seeing as I have to miss this year's due to SPM ;-(

I can't wait for college cause I want to be invloved in extra-curricular activites like how I was very involved in school. Indeed, St. Mary has shaped me to be capable of leadership responsibilities and I think that college will be a good platform to maximise my talents.

Looks like I'll be a super busy person once next year rolls on.

I don't know why people think its a joke that I want to work in Famous Amos. I LOVE COOKIES!!!! Even if I have to assemble them and sell them, it doesn't matter because its the love for cookies that counts. ( you should try my choco chip cookies, they're excellent! ;-P )

8 days left to SPM.

I CAN'T WAIT!!

Music comes Alive

My sister is such a darling!
You know why?? YOU KNOW WHY???? *forgive me for being so excited*
She fixed my piano music box.
Thats why.

My mom gave it to me last time and I used to play it whenever I wrote poems or short stories. All I had to do was open the lid and "Fur Elise" - Beethoven would play.
Then one day, this little girl (I won't tell you who she is cause many of you know her) came into my room when I was at school and played with it. And broke it. So it sat on my shelf for one whole year and I didn't know what to do with it.

Today, my SISTA found it and with her engineer brain, fixed it and it played beautifully. My sister is good at fixing things. Once she fixed our car's tail lights and our remote control.
That part she inherited from my mother's side of the family tree.



I added the hair brush for an old-fashioned romantic effect. My beloved music box!!!

If I had money, I would buy a cello music box that played "The Swan" - by Saint Saens. My second favourite composer. And I would buy a dancing ballerina music box that plays "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy" - by Tchaikovsky.

Those two songs are my favourite classical songs.

Its so romantic and it allows my mind to dream the impossible.

THANK YOU, CHELLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Going Solo

I've been solo for 2 years...
Probably will be for the next 6 years...

Enjoy your single life...

Do the things God wants you to do, whatever He has placed in your heart...

Have as many friends as you can...

Travel around the world...

Expand your creativity and knowledge...

Life is great. When you're single.

The second last week of High School

I've got one week left in St. Mary.
How time has flown by. Yesterday during school leavers' service, I was still marvelling that God gave me the boldness to share my testimony to the entire school.
Wow.
:-)

So, I decided that I'm gonna eat all my favourite foods from the canteen for the next one week since all I eat in the canteen is just "buah-buahan".
Healthy option ;-)

Class party is next week. I'll try to post some pictures....wow.
My last class party.


*sobs*
*sobs again*

Thank God I'm a loner. At least the pain of separation isn't that bad. But I'm gonna miss my classmates. They're great friends.

I still remember the time in Form 4 when they dared me to shut up for a week since I'm such a noisy freak. I didn't make it.
My personality is so phlegmatic-melancholic yet I have a sanguine side. I haven't discovered my choleric side yet.

One more week in ST. MARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!