The Oozing Ache

Two individuals, very much in love with each other but because now isn't the right time for a union, they have decided to wait. Which means;

1. Less contact with one another
2. Treating each other as brothers and sisters in Christ
3. Waiting on the Lord
4. Persistent prayer
5. Dying to self

Number 1 is the hardest, Number 2 is somewhat OK, Number 5 is the killer.

Questions like these run in my head: What if we're destined for one another? What if God has someone else for us? What if God is calling us to live a single life? What if others are not open to a mixed-race union? What if this union isn't the Lord's will?

Again and again, Galatians 2:20 strikes me hard on the head with a thwonk!

GOD IS IN CONTROL. That's where number 3 and 4 and 5, come into the picture. On the other hand, there are these bunch of feelings that want to take control and somehow tries to persuade you to "follow your heart" and dive into a relationship when your brain is clearly screaming at you to wait and to do the right thing.

"The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing" - Joshua Harris

Still, its HARD! Sometimes I just want to get on my knees and cry out loud to the Lord, "God, WHY??????????" and then rip up all my poems that I have delicately written about this young man and throw them away from my sight. For the life of me, I can't seem to figure out my affections toward this young man, for I can't comprehend the thought of a life without him. Oh how my tears flow in the melancholy idea!!

Yet, the Lord, in His grace, will continue to comfort us as we ponder on this issue because we know we're not alone. I'm sure he's feeling the same way about it too and is probably more worried about how the future will turn out, he being a thinker and me having all kinds of emotions since I'm such a feeler. Sighhhh...

Okay then. Looks like theres no conclusion in this matter for now, so I'll just leave this matter hanging and continue to wait on the Lord.

Love is patient. So wait, cessa!! :-)

A Message To A Lady

The LORD speaks in a quiet and gentle manner,
"Draw close to me,
Let Me strengthen you with My right hand,
Though you walk in a world of iniquity,
you shall not fall,
For I will take your hand and walk with you,
And whisper words of truth and love into your ear

For I have created you a woman,
Fearfully and wondefully made,
For I carved your curves, your hair, your breasts,
Skillfully in secret because I saw you first,
Be in a quiet and gentle spirit,
That is precious in My sight,,
And serve me as how I have shaped you

My beloved woman,
You can never comprehend,
How wide, how deep and how great
My love is for you
Love Me, Serve Me, Follow Me."


taken from my quiet time, 17th Dec 2009, 11.25 pm.

Sneak Peek

Backstage photos from the Christmas event.
"Joy to the world!!!"



L-R: Eugene, Jason, Josiah, me, PING, Rachel, Joshua, Shawn

L-R: Eugene, Jason, Joanna, me, Shawn, Joshua, Rach, PING, Alie

More to come!

Stepping on sand

Sometimes, you've got to keep reminding where you stand on certain issues because they affect your life. Its rather difficult to repress your feelings especially if it concerns the matters of the heart. So, I seem to have strong feelings for this young man. What do I do?
One question I have to keep answering time and time again.

I've tried to keep this question out of the blog because I was afraid people would talk. Well, since its out in the open, I guess it defeats the purpose to hide it anymore, right? Well, I won't be very open yet I'll still be a little open. *confused smile*

I have trouble repressing my feelings. There are days I wish I could confront it straight in the face and say, "Look here, missy. I'm in control, not you!". Because I control my feelings, not the other way round.
Then it hit me.
God is in control. Not me.
"...it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me..." - Gal 2:20


Well, I know there will be days when the feelings will grab a hold on me, but I know God will come through for me. Well, my dad said that God is way higher than my feelings. I'm guilty of placing such high importance on my moods and feelings, probably because I'm a feeler but I the world doesn't revolve around my feelings, so I'm just being so self-absorbed.
And that's not good.


Love is not a feeling, rather a sacrifice and a commitment. I know that God will one day give me a godly affection for this young man and that's when I'll know that I'm ready for a relationship because I finally understand. So, I'll continue to wait on the Lord and continue praying persistently, plus enjoy my single life cause its a gift from the Lord and grow in my relationship with my family and friends.

God will give me the strength to overcome my feelings because I know He'll be there beside me.
I just have to trust in Him.
-True love WAITS! - <3



"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres..."
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 -

To that person who loves using profanities on MY SISTER and dedicates her blog in commenting about MY SISTER, firstly, I want to tell you to move on and get a life!

What's done has been done and stop moping about how fabulous you are compared to MY SISTER because you are just insecure.

Nobody messes with MY SISTER.
You want to mess with her, then MESS with me.

I'm getting sick and tired of hearing MY SISTER being bad mouth-ed online and to the whole world. So what if she's pretty and confident???


Do me a favour??
FORGET THE PAST AND MOVE ON!


Thanks.

:-)

His name is Peter

I'm now reading "Prince Caspian", the fourth book from 'The Chronicles of Narnia'. Just started it last night when I came back after an awesome time with the Pan Mee fellas. The people present were Eugene, Josiah, Joshua, U Shen, U Wyn, Xing Guo, Alie, Sheralyn, Ping, Naveena and her sister and Rach. (did I miss out anyone??).

Anyway, back to Narnia. My favourite character will probably be Peter. He's a born leader and knows how to handle irritating siblings ( like Edmund. Can't that guy learn to watch his tongue??). This is something I have to learn from Peter. Being nice to my sibling cause I can be such a meanie to my sister. Plus, he carefully weighs his decisions before acting on them and is humble enough to seek wisdom and guidance from Aslan. Another thing I need to learn cause I can come across as arrogant and a know-it-all. And he's brave to fight the White Witch until Aslan came to his aid. Oh yeah, and the Wolf also (which was his first battle).

The only exception is that Walden Media kind of destroyed my image of Peter. To a certain degree, I'll say that William Moseley is decent enough to play 'Peter', yet he wasn't what I "saw" in my imagination while reading Narnia. Oh well, James McAvoy really fitted my image of Mr. Tumnus, so I guess Walden Media did a good job on him too.

Now that SPM is over ( YIPPPEEEE!!!!!) I can finally sip a mug of Milo and get lost in the world of Narnia. Oh yeah, and re-create Peter Pan.

Gosh, whats with me and the name 'Peter'???


Note : I'm not going to waste 2 hours of my life watching "New Moon", so don't bother inviting me for it. ( This is my arrogant self speaking! hehehe).

Youth and age, O what a vast difference!

I love this poem by Shakespeare.

"Crabbed age and youth cannot live together"
( From "The Passionate Pilgrim, XII" )

CRABBED age and youth cannot live together
Youth is full of pleasure, age is full of care;
Youth like summer morn, age like winter weather;
Youth like summer brave, age like winter bare;
Youth is full of sport, age's breath is short;
Youth is nimble, age is lame;
Youth is hot and bold, age is weak and cold;
Youth is wild, age is tame.
Age, I do abhor thee, youth, I do adore thee;
O! my love, my love is young:
Age, I do defy thee: O! sweet shepherd, hie thee,
For methinks thou stay'st too long.


Sometimes I wish you just would listen and understand how I feel. But you love to force your ideologies and theologies while I'm still speaking. Give me a chance.. Understand why I feel the way I feel. So much for psychology masters, huh?